Matter of trust
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Slash, Randy/Cody. Slight AU, I think I played too much with characters, dates, etc. They're in love but the relationship isn't working and the outcome is a temporary break up with disastrous consequences. What do when your own world turns against you?
1. Housewarming party

I don't own the characters

I don't own Wrestling or anything related to it and I of course I can't own real persons, which would be slavery and slavery is bad thing.

I wrote it a while ago. I don't know where the idea came from but bear with me!

See ya

Matter of trust

Randy stood in the living room of his and Cody's knew house. They were together for two years and this was their first real home. Randy moved in with Cody after their first year but it wasn't home to him. It was Cody's home, he felt like an intruder. The only things which belonged to him were a few pictures and the big flat screen T.V. But this house was their home. They chose the furniture together, the paint on the walls. Everything was theirs, not Cody's.

He looked around with a happy smile on his face "What are you thinking about?" Cody put his arms around Randy's slender waist.

"I'm happy" he replied, he never told Cody how much he hated to be an intruder in his perfect world.

"Me too" the younger man placed a loving kiss on his neck "Let's grab something to eat. I'm starving" Randy nodded. Randy remembered how they met years ago, he fell in love with the young man the first time he saw him. It wasn't easy to approach him. He was young and beautiful, and in addition to that he was his mentor. He had to keep an eye on him; it was his job to keep the boy safe. Cody had an affair with Ted; they fooled around until Cody broke Ted's heart. Ted thought they were in a serious relationship but Cody wasn't ready to bind himself to his friend. It was a fact that made it more difficult for Randy to trust the young man. One night, two and a half years ago, Cody stood in front of his door. Drunk and tired. Randy invited him in, he couldn't send him away. Cody tried to get into his pants but he refused. Randy wasn't a saint but he couldn't take advantage of his drunken state; therefore he loved and respected him too much. He put the young man into bed and he fell asleep almost immediately. The next morning was awkward, Cody didn't remember how he got there and Randy didn't know how to answer his questions. Should he tell him the truth or should he do as if he didn't try anything? He decided to be honest and told him what happened. Cody stared at him with a look he couldn't define. That was the start of a slow developing relationship. Cody was astonished that Randy didn't use his chance to use him for a quick fuck. He told him that he never thought someone would let his offer down. Randy only smiled at him and patted his head before he left. After that Cody followed him everywhere and used every chance he got to spend time with the viper. The most important rule Randy resisted on before he took a serious relationship in consideration was fidelity, they were exclusive and he wouldn't accept a faux pas. Cody had smiled gently at him and swore to be faithful because he truly loved him.

"It can't be healthy to think so much" Cody half joked. Randy was always quite and withdrawn but something was different since they bought their house. It was a difficult task to figure his lover out, every time he thought he got it Randy proved him wrong. He didn't love him less for his flaws but it worried him. "I remembered how we got together" Randy gave him a dirty look.

"Ow, awkward" Cody grimaced "but it was worth it to make a fool out of me " he gave Randy a passionate kiss.

"Definitely worth it" the older man smirked and pulled his lover closer. Randy settled between Cody's legs after they got rid of their clothes. "Tell me what you want" he breathed into his ear. The shiver Randy's voice caused wandered right to his cock. Randy smirked even more. Cody looked right into Randy's eyes, he loved Randy's stormy eyes "I want you, only you" he panted "I want you to fill me, to love me. Show me how much you love me"

Randy smiled and kissed him with passion. He placed butterfly kisses all over his body before he bit Cody's neck. Cody hissed at the pleasure of the slight pain "Stop teasing me and fuck me already" Cody stroke Randy's cock and smiled as the older man moaned. Randy searched for the lube and started to prepare his young lover "Love, come on. Now" Cody whined impatiently. Randy gave him a kiss and nibbled on his bottom lip before he pushed his cock inside. "Oh yes" Cody loved to feel Randy in him; he loved his body, his movements and the gentle lover only he knew. No one else was allowed to see Randy's loving side.

"Deeper, harder … oh that's good" Cody yelled, Randy did as he was told. He loved to feel how his lover squirmed under him and begged for release. "Randy I'm … ahh"

"I know love" Randy pounded harder into his lover and felt his own orgasm approach "Come with me" the viper ordered and they came both. Cody released his seed between their sweaty bodies while Randy released his seed deep inside his lover. There was nothing Cody loved more than to feel Randy's hot seed inside of him. He felt as if he could feel Randy's love for him in every cell of his body. Randy lay down on top of Cody after he pulled out. Cody wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Sometimes he felt as if Randy could slip away from him when he didn't hold him tight.

"We should take a shower and clean the carpets before our guests arrive" Randy sighed. "Why have we agreed to a housewarming party again?" Cody rubbed Randy's back.

"Because were idiots" the older man replied.

Cody chuckled and released his lover "Let's take a shower before we fall asleep. It would be embarrassing to be caught asleep and naked on the couch"

"We would never live it down" Randy got up and reached out his hand, Cody grabbed the hand and followed him into the bathroom.

"The house is really nice" John sipped on his beer.

"Yeah" Randy smiled "it's ours" John nodded, he knew how much he hated to live in Cody's house.

"I'm happy for you but promise me to be careful with him" John narrowed his eyes as he watched the young man.

"You still don't like him" it wasn't a question; Randy knew John hated his lover. He understood that John was worried about him but he hoped his best friend would change his mind.

"It's not that. Ted is still not the same as before he broke his heart and I'm worried he breaks you one day. I know you Randy" John squeezed Randy's shoulder to emphasize his statement. Randy was a dangerous man but he was even more dangerous for himself. He barely survived his last relationship. Chris cheated on him more than one time and he talked Randy into believing that he was at fault. What was it what he said? John tried to remember, oh yeah. He said Randy was a heartless, useless and unsatisfying toy. John broke Chris's nose and almost got suspended but for some inexplicable reasons Vince liked Randy, maybe he saw through Viper's masquerade long ago.

"Here you are" Cody approached them, he gave John an angry glare, the young man disliked John. He was Randy's best friend but he felt as if the older man was a threat. He was mighty enough to break them apart and he wasn't sure if Randy would stay faithful when a John Cena asked for 'it'.

"He likes our house" Randy smiled at his lover and hoped he wouldn't start a fight with John like the last time he was jealous.

"Good" Cody gave him a false smile "Where is Adam?"

"He talks with Matty" John grinned; Matt asked them for help to get into his brothers pants. "Does he try his luck with Jeff?" Randy's eyes gleamed; it was time for them to take the next step.

"Yeah" John took a gulp "He visited us a few nights ago. He and Jeff had a fight and Matt was terribly sad"

"Why did they fight?" Cody asked, his anger forgotten.

"Jeff had a date and Matt was jealous… Jeff called him a jealous bastard and he said he hated him because he was never happy for him… and things like that"

"Oh Matt" Randy's face fell; he knew how he must feel.

"Don't worry Ortz, we bring them together one way or another" John winked.

"I hope so" Randy sipped on his whiskey.

"Hey Rey" Cody spied his colleague "See you later" he pecked Randy on the cheek before he ran over to Rey.

"Randy" John's tone was gentle.

Randy looked at him with humor in his eyes "He's young and I don't think he'll bend Mysterio over the couch and takes him right here" he stopped as he realized what exactly he said.

"Not right here, that's what's worrying me" John stared at Cody.

"He loves me" Randy watched his younger lover "I trust him"

John smiled at him; Randy could be so cute when he wanted to be. John sighed inwardly and hoped Randy was right.

"Great house" Punk said cheerful "and thanks for the six pack pepsi"

Randy chuckled "What's a party without pepsi"

"A catastrophe" Punk grimaced, he liked Randy. He always had non alcoholic drinks for him and kept an eye on him. One time one of the newbie's tried to put alcohol into his drink because he thought a drunken Punk would be an easy fuck but his plan didn't include an angry Randy. The Viper was strong, arrogant and cold as ice but the real Randy was a likeable guy.

"Where is Kane?" John asked while he looked around.

"He talks to Mark, they didn't see each other for a while" Punk smiled, Kane was a though big baby.

"You should have seen the look on his face when he saw Mark, like a child in a candy shop" he chuckled.

"Mark isn't better" Randy laughed "We talked this morning and almost every third sentence included Kane"

"That's the proof that they are nothing like the characters they have to play" Punk opened his second pepsi.

"None of us is really like the show-character" Punk was happy about that, he would never put up with Kane if he was deadly for real and his own straight edge talks had cost his life for sure.

"There are a few exceptions" John glared at Cody's back.

"He will learn to separate work from private, give him some time" Punk tried to reconcile the upcoming dispute.

"I hope so" John continued to glare "What's your problem John?" Randy was tired of fighting.

"My problem is that he fell in love with the Viper and not with Randy Orton" John hoped he was wrong but Cody liked to bath in Randy's light.

"I don't say he does it on purpose but I'm not sure if he realizes that he doesn't know you at all" John sighed "I'm your best friend and I know you. But Edge, Punk and the hardy boyz know you better than your own boyfriend, for god's sake"

"I'm not easy John, you should know that" Randy didn't take it personally he knew what John tried to say.

"I know but why don't you show him who you are?" John caressed Randy's cheek for a moment.

"Because the last time broke my heart. You know what happened" Randy gave him a rueful smile.

"He left you" Punk whispered gently, everyone knew how the bastard treated Randy after he found out that the Viper wasn't a hardcore lover and jerk extraordinaire.

"Oh" Punk beamed cheerfully all of a sudden "Do you know who Kane's next victim … uhm, opponent is?" he grinned.

Randy raised a brow "Chris" John beamed "Please say it's Chris"

"It is and because my sweet big boyfriend adores you, he'll kick his sorry ass" Punk clinked glasses with John "I definitely want to see that. I'll laugh at him"

"Tell Kane to be careful. Chris seldom plays fair and I don't want to see your hubby hurt" Randy stated. Kane was strong and creepy but he wasn't invincible.

"Don't worry" a deep voice disturbed their musing.

"Hey big boy how are you?" John patted Kane on the shoulder.

"I'm fine" he looked at Randy "Don't worry Orton, I can take care of myself and I still have Phil should I get into trouble"

"Damn right" Punk grinned, they would kick Jericho's ass.

"I would like that" Randy smiled, he hated Chris with passion. He never had thought that he was able to truly hate someone before Chris entered his life.

"John" Kane whispered "You shouldn't touch him so much or our little boy will blow up like a firework" he pointed discretely a Cody.

"He's jealous. A good sign. See ya" Punk smiled and dragged his boyfriend away.

Cody glared daggers into John "Cute" John whispered to himself.

"John don't piss him off or I have to hear him nag all night" Randy sighed.

"What do you mean?" John frowned, what did he miss?

"He's scared I'll cheat on him and he reminds me at every opportunity he gets"

"Do you mean he accuses you of cheating? With me?" John fumed.

"Yes and with Matt, Punk, even Batista" Randy shivered as he spoke the last name.

John pinched the bridge of his nose "Geez" he took a deep breath "He really is possessive and I thought you were difficult"

Randy chuckled softly "We are perfect aren't we?"

"You're crazy, both of you but I love you though" John gulped his drink down.

"Love you too bro" Randy looked at Cody. He loved the young man so much it physically hurts and he wasn't ready to give him up. He would fight for him should the day come the young man decided to end things.

Ted stood in the corner of the room and watched Cody, he still loved him and he couldn't accept that he broke up with him because of Randy Orton. What had this man what he hadn't? Ted couldn't understand why Cody threw their perfect relationship away. He belonged to him and he would show him how much better he was than the heartless Viper.

_I'll make him regret what he did to us? He had no right to rip us apart. You'll see I make his life a living hell! _

"What was that?" Cody fumed, he hated John. He was a good guy but he was closer to Randy than he was.

"What?" Randy knew exactly what he meant.

"You know what I mean" Cody raged "John"

"Love, you know he's my best friend and there is absolutely nothing between us"

"Don't lie" Cody cried, he was so scared of losing Randy. It was the first time he loved a man so much, he fell hard and fast for him "Don't ever leave me"

Randy took him into his strong arms and rubbed soothing circles over his back "I'm not cheating and never will. I never cheated on my boyfriends before and I don't intend to cheat on you either"

Cody sobbed "Love you" he tightened his hold on the older man.

"Love you too, baby boy" Cody chuckled at the nickname; Randy started calling him baby boy as he started to work with him. Randy always had a soft spot for him; he never treated Ted as gentle as he treated him. It was the first time he realized that the big bad viper wasn't who he seemed to be. He learned a lot about Randy but not as much as he wanted to.

"They are right I don't know you at all" Cody whispered against Randy's neck.

"You do know me" Randy hushed but Cody was too emotional to listen.

"What do I know?"

"You know more than you think" Randy kissed the top of his head "Give it some time, I'm difficult and I don't wear my heart on my sleeves but I'm sure you figured this out long ago"

Cody chuckled "Yeah, that wasn't too hard"

Randy smiled and continued to rub his lover's back "You'll see, you know so much, maybe you don't realize what you already know about me"

"I hope so" Cody calmed down "I would be a bad boyfriend if I can't figure you out on my own. I hear them talk in the locker-room. They think I'm a whore, playing with your heart"

"I believe in you and that's important" Randy lifted his chin up and gave him a loving kiss.

"I love your loving side" the dark haired man smiled "Don't show it to others so often or they steal you away from me"

"Only for you, only for you" Cody shook his head "and your friends" he added for his tall lover. Randy smiled gently at him; he loved the young man even more. Yes he was jealous and accused him of cheating but only because he was so insecure. He was scared to lose what he loved most. Randy knew the feeling and tried hard to show Cody how much he meant to him "Let's go to bed"

"I'm not in the mood, I'm tired" Cody closed his eyes as Randy led him to their bed "I didn't mean sex, naughty boy, I actually meant sleeping and cuddling"

Cody lay down and Randy tucked him in before he slipped under the covers and spooned behind his dark haired beauty.


	2. Anniversary

"Morning baby boy" Randy woke him with a gentle kiss "I made breakfast"

"Mhmm" he mumbled and turned around "Love wake up we have two hours left before we have to go" Randy shook him gently, he got no reaction so he shook harder "Come on… you're a big child" the older man sighed.

"You're a big mean mother-hen" Cody sat up and blinked. He was dead tired and couldn't remember why the hell they had to go in two hours, but the main question was where the heck they were going.

"Baby, don't be like that" Randy frowned.

"Like what?" Cody spat "You're using your 'get out of my sight you jerk or I kick your ass' tone and I don't like that. Especially not this early"

"That's my point" Cody lay back down and pulled the comforter over his head. He didn't notice the sad look in his lover's eyes.

"Okay" Randy got up "sleep well"

"I will" Cody didn't know why he was so mean, but he felt like the world was against him. The voices of Randy's friends still rang in his ears. It wasn't Randy's fault, not at all but they were his friends and he never defended him or stopped them. He didn't doubt Randy's love for him but it hurt nonetheless. He was scared of what would happen when Randy came to the conclusion that they were right. Randy was his life, his whole world and the fact scared him deeply. How could a human be able to love so deeply? With a lot of questions and worries he fell asleep.

Randy sat on the couch and watched T.V. he had planned a nice day for Cody. A trip to the new amusement park, the new action movie Cody wanted to see, a nice dinner at a restaurant and a nice walk hand in hand. And at the end of the day he wanted to propose to Cody. He wasn't sure anymore if a marriage was a wise decision. It was their second anniversary and it seemed Cody forgot all about it. It hurt. Randy continued to stare at the T.V. deep in thoughts he didn't notice Cody's presence.

"Hey love I'm talking to you" Cody frowned as he got no answer. "Randy?" he approached him carefully, he knew better than to scare the older man.

Still no answer, he put his hand on Randy's shoulder "Love talk to me" Randy almost jumped out of his skin "Where were you love?"

"Nowhere" Randy looked so sad it broke his heart "Love talk to me"

"Why were you so angry?" he asked, carefully avoiding Cody's gaze.

"I wasn't mad at you" the young man sighed "I was mad at your friends, I was mad at me and the whole world. I bottled my emotions up again and let it out on you. I'm sorry"

Randy knew Cody had issues; damn he himself had enough issues to keep an armada of psychiatrics busy for a lifetime.

"Why are you so insecure?" Randy finally looked at him.

Cody caressed Randy's high cheekbone "People tend to use me. They toy with me, so I never learned to … to keep a serious relationship upright. Sometimes I'm overcharged with the things people expect from me, what I expect from me"

"You're a good boyfriend, I love you the way you are. You don't have to change for me or have to try to befriend my friends" Randy leant into the touch.

"I know but it's not easy" Cody kissed him "Tell me why you wanted to drag me out of the house?"

"Doesn't matter anymore" Randy faked a smile and Cody believed it.

Their make out session was interrupted by a loud rumble "I think we should eat first" Randy chuckled, Cody blushed "Yeah"

"What do you want?" Randy entered the kitchen; he liked to cook for his boy.

"You don't have too cook I take the leftovers from this morning" Cody didn't want him to cook again. He gave his best this morning and he didn't get up to try it.

"Okay" Randy turned around to hide a sad smile "Here" he reached him a plate.

"How much did you cook?" Cody stared at the leftovers, Randy looked slightly guilty and Cody frowned "You haven't eaten!"

"I wasn't feeling well" it wasn't a lie. Cody sighed "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" Randy patted his dark hair, the young man loved the gesture "But I am. I ruined whatever you had planned for today. We can do it now if you want" he offered but Randy shook his head.

"Nah, it wasn't important and I should have taken last night into consideration. The party and all"

Cody pulled the older man closer and dragged him on top of his lap "Look, I'll eat and then we spend some time together. Okay?"

Randy didn't answer; he put his arms around his lover and rested his chin on his shoulder.

Cody felt even guiltier "Love you" he whispered and placed a soft kiss on his lover's cheek.

The older man closed his eyes and tried to banish the sadness. He had hoped Cody was too tired this morning to remember but he still didn't.

"Randy, please tell me" Cody almost begged "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm still tired. I think I go back to bed for a while" he got up and after a little kiss he vanished.

Cody shoved his food from one side to the other, he wasn't hungry anymore but not eating would make Randy even sadder and there was nothing he hated more than a sad Randy.

He was always so strong and calm and it scared him to see him so vulnerable, he looked so young and helpless sometimes. Cody decided to make a few calls after he finished dinner.

After an hour Cody went upstairs and peeked into their bedroom. He called a few friends but no one could or wanted to tell him what he did wrong.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, he watched Randy sleep "Why are you so restless?" he mumbled to himself as Randy frowned in his sleep.

With a deep sigh he slipped under the comforter and took his lover into his arms. He noticed how Randy relaxed and smiled "I really do love you. Never doubt this"

He held and watched him for hours, Cody tried to figure out why Randy was so frustrated but he had no clue.

"You don't have to comfort me" a deep voice disturbed his thoughts "I made you sad and I intend to change it"

Randy smiled, his lover could be so cute and naive "Let's spend the day in bed with a good movie"

"Okay I'll get a few movies and you can use the time to eat"

"I'm not hungry" Randy complained but Cody cut him off "You have to eat. You do it on your own or I'll force you" it was an order and Randy knew better then to complain.

Cody grinned "Good boy" he got up and left. He knew exactly how to push Randy's buttons and he used his knowledge when he had to.

Randy did as he was told and went back to bed, waiting for his young lover.

Cody came back with three movies and beamed "Look what I got" he showed him the movies "Do you like them?" he asked hopefully.

Randy liked them and was surprised how well his lover knew him "I like them, can we start with … this" he held up the cover of an action DVD.

"Sure" Cody got up and prepared their movie night "Ready" he said cheerful to lighten the mood.

They snuggled and talked during the movie, they enjoyed the touches as their hands met, while they grabbed at the same time into the bowl full of popcorn. After the movies ended they decided to sleep. Cody watched Randy for a while before he fell asleep. He had tried to figure out why Randy was so depressed but he couldn't find a clue. But he was happy that he was able to cheer his lover up. Cody woke up at three a.m. as Randy groaned.

"Hey… love wake up" he shook him gently and Randy sat up, his eyes were wide open and he breathed heavily.

"Randy?" he rubbed his back "It's okay, it was only a dream"

"Geez" Randy groaned "I hate this" he fell back onto the mattress and rubbed over his eyes.

"What have you dreamt?" the young man asked worried, it had to be bad when Randy reacted so unlike him.

"I don't remember"

"Yes you do" Cody said patiently "Tell me"

"I dreamt you left" Randy mumbled barely audible.

"Oh love. I will never leave you" he rested his head on Randy's broad chest "I'm here" he took Randy's hand and placed it over his heart "Do you feel that. It beats for you and only for you. It would stop the day we part"

Randy felt Cody's strong heartbeat and calmed down, his words echoed through his mind and he wondered if Cody really meant what he said. He decided to believe him, he needed to believe in him.

"Hush" he heard how Randy's heart hammered in his chest.

Randy took a few deep breaths to calm down, he felt how his heart stopped to race "Love you"

Cody smiled sadly into the semi darkness of the room "Love you too. Go back to sleep we have to train in an few hours"

The older man fell asleep after a few minutes but Cody couldn't, he woke up by every movement, ready to help his lover through the next nightmare, which never came.

"Good morning Cody" Edge smiled and tried to get a look at his hand.

"What are you looking at?" he asked confused as he noticed Cena and Punk doing the same.

Their faces fell "Oh" Edged mouthed to John, who got dressed and hurried out of the room.

"What?" the young man asked angrily.

"Did you break up?" Edge asked carefully "NO where did you get the stupid idea?"

"Why did you say no then?" Punk frowned.

"No to what?" he got even more confused.

Now Edge and Punk looked confused "Didn't he ask?" Edge blurted out and got a slap on the head from Punk.

"Huh?" Cody grew impatient "Would you be so nice and tell me what the hell you're talking about"

"Yesterday was your anniversary and Randy planned to propose to you" Punk explained, getting an angry glare from Edge.

Cody was white like a sheet, they could practically see the blood draining from his face "Oh god … damn…" he cursed and ran.

"He forgot" Punk stated the obvious "Yes he did. But Randy planned the whole day how could he not notice how special the day was?" Edge would ask John after they got home.

John was in the locker room together with Randy as Cody ran into the room; he stopped as he saw how Cena comforted his lover. The look on Cena's face was so gentle and his hand squeezed Randy's shoulder, he would have been jealous if he wasn't the cause for Randy's distress. It was obvious that the other man was there as a friend.

"Randy" Cody wasn't sure what to say "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"You figured it out then?" John gave him a venomous look "I leave you two alone okay?"

Randy nodded "They said it was our anniversary… and… and I forgot… I'm so sorry love. I should have known, how could I forget…I-I…"

"Calm down and take a deep breath" Randy cupped his face "You're starting to hyperventilate"

Cody did as he was told "Okay" he sighed.

"Better?" Randy stroke his cheek with his thumb, Cody nodded "Good"

"Randy how can I make this up to you? How could you say it doesn't matter when I asked you what was wrong? It's so important"

"Not important enough to remember" Randy wanted to slap himself after the words left his mouth.

Cody started to cry, to know he forgot their special day broke his heart.

"Love" Randy soothed "We can participate next week when we have two days off"

"No" Cody almost yelled "It was yesterday and I forgot and ruined your plans. It was yesterday" he sobbed.

Randy tried to calm him down but he couldn't so he tried a new tactic. He let go of Cody and went to his bag, he searched for a little velvet box "Found it" he mumbled to himself.

Cody watched Randy as he walked away from him, he was sure Randy would leave him and prepared himself for the blow but what he didn't imagine was what happened next.

Randy got on his knees and held up a velvet box "Cody, pleas marry me"

Cody's eyes widened he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not but it felt so real. He opened and closed his mouth but he couldn't speak so he nodded instead. Randy beamed and put the platinum ring on his finger. He got up and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"I would have been sad too when you had destroyed my proposal" he finally understood why Randy was so heartbroken the day before. He couldn't forgive himself for ruining everything. Randy must have been so happy and nervous from anticipation, and he let him down. How could he forgive him so easily? Randy was like a riddle.

"You weren't in the mood to go out, I understand you were tired. I should have planned it differently" Randy dragged him to the nearest bank and pulled him onto his lap. Cody shook his head "No I should have remembered, I should have seen your happiness, I should have seen that … I-" Randy pressed his index finger against Cody's lip "Stop that. We could have done a lot of things differently but we didn't. It's the past, forget what happened and marry me" he smiled.

Cody couldn't suppress a smile and nodded, it was the first time he couldn't decide what to feel. Happiness, sadness, guilt, he felt all of this at the same time. But right now was happiness the strongest emotion in his heart. He slung his arms around Randy and buried his head in the crock of his neck. He inhaled the other mans scent and enjoyed his warmth "I can't go on without you"

"I would stop to exist without you by my side and because of that I want to bind us together, forever"

The young man chuckled, it was so cheesy but it warmed his heart. It didn't matter what people thought, he needed to hear things like that. He liked to hear them.

"Let's start to practice or we'll get our asses kicked" Randy released him and Cody obeyed.

"Damn I thought he tries to break my neck" Randy rubbed his sore neck, he trained with Edge and a move went wrong. Randy fell ungraciously to the ground and hurt his neck. Cody was all over him and dragged him to the doctor, who gave him pills against the pain and the order to rest.

"I prepare your bath" Cody announced as they entered their house, he hurried into the bathroom.

Randy smiled and shook his head, it was a 'painful' habit "Ouch, I should stop that" he sighed and went upstairs. He had huge problems to undress and needed a while.

"Randy, call me when you need help" he stepped closer and pulled his shirt over his head, unbuckled his belt and helped him out of his pants.

"Thank you" Randy gave him a dirty grin "Oh no Randal no sex. You're hurt"

"It's not that bad" Randy said annoyed, everyone he met fussed over him and that got on his nerves.

"You could have died" Cody's eyes watered, only then Randy understood that he had scared the young man.

"Love, it wasn't that bad. We always have bruises or broken bones even" Randy reasoned, their job wasn't easy.

"It looked so bad" Cody took his hand and led him into the bathroom, they had a huge tube with enough space for two adults.

He got rid of his clothes and helped Randy out of his shorts before he stepped into the tube "Come" he held out his hand. Randy took it and got in "Smells nice"

"Lavender, my mom says it helps to relax" Randy nodded and set down. Cody sat behind him so he leaned against his chest. The young man held him tight and played with the ring on his finger "I don't want to lose you and especially not before we marry. I want you, I want children and I want that we grow old together"

"Children?" Randy hadn't thought Cody wanted children, he was young and could be immature.

"Don't you want kids?" Cody hoped he wasn't the only one who wanted kids. He would sacrifice his dream for Randy but both would be better.

"I do" Randy said finally "but I thought you don't want children"

"Why?"

"I don't know, you're young and there is so much for you to achieve" Randy closed his eyes, he was tired.

"I want children, with you and no one else" the young man kissed the top of his lover's head "Relax, that's good" he felt Randy relax in his arms.

He let him sleep for a while and watched out for him, he listened to his breathing, heartbeat and movements. He knew it was totally irrational everything he had to do was to watch out that he won't drown but his heart wasn't listening.

"Hey" he whispered into Randy's ear "time to wake up"

Randy was dead tired and had no interest in waking up but he knew he had to "Yeah" he got up and Cody helped him to get dressed before he tugged him in.

Cody placed a glass of water and pain killers next to the bed before he joined Randy.


	3. Abandoned

"How's your hubby?" Punk asked as Cody entered the locker room.

"He feels sick but no wonder he fell pretty hard" Punk noticed that Cody wasn't his dashing self.

"What's wrong?"

"He scared me that's all" so he did love Randy, John thought. He overheard them as he stood in front of the door.

"I would have been scared too if Kane got hurt" Punk confessed, it was normal to feel this way.

John entered and did as if nothing happened "Hey guys"

"Hey" Punk smiled and pointed at Cody's hand as he looked away for a moment. John nodded slightly and smiled "So, tell me how he asked you?"

Cody touched his ring "He asked yesterday …in the locker room. He got on his knees and asked" he couldn't get over the question how it would have been when Randy had gotten his chance to fulfill his plans.

"Something wrong?" John noticed the sad look in his eyes.

"No" he didn't want to talk to Cena about his problems with Randy.

"I may not like you much but Randy is my friend and I need to know if you have conflicts"

"Why are you so interested in our relationship?" Cody spat.

"Like I said Randy is my friend and his happiness is important to me" it wasn't a lie but the main reason he asked was his worry for Randy.

"Tzk, so you can split us up? You don't like me and you don't accept our relationship. But I'll never let him go, do you understand?" John was surprised by the outburst. It seemed Randy was even more important to him than he thought. Maybe they had a future.

"I don't want to break you apart because it would hurt Randy and I don't want to see him hurt ever again" John shut his mouth and hoped Cody wouldn't ask too many questions.

"I'm not Chris" Cody hissed, he hated this man. John and Punk looked surprised.

"Come on, do you really thought it was a secret? Rumors are fast in here" Cody stated. He didn't know how much their break up affected Randy but it seemed it must have been bad when John talked like that.

"Don't hurt him Rhodes or I'll break your bones. You won't be safe, where ever you go, we will be there" he said deadly serious before he turned his back on him and changed for his training session. Cody's jaw dropped, he believed every word the older man said.

"What if he hurts me? Ever thought of that?" was his stupid reply; he hated himself for what he just said.

"He will not" Punk shot back "he is honest and would never break your heart intentionally"

"Ah, and I'm a liar and cheater. Nice to know" Cody stormed out of the room.

"Do you think it was wise of Randy to propose to someone like him?" Punk asked.

"I honestly don't know but I think Randy knows what he does" John rubbed his neck.

"I hope so" Punk continued to change.

"Hey love, how was your day?" Randy asked as Cody entered the kitchen.

"It was fun" at least the parts without Randy's friends "What are you cooking?" he tried to look over Randy's shoulder.

"Steak, potatoes and vegetables" Randy smiled "Your favorite"

"You're the best" Cody kissed his cheek "I love you, you know that, right?"

"Of course I do" Randy eyed him, he frowned "Why do you ask?"

"I want to make sure you know" then young man forced a smile on his face.

"Baby what have they told you?" he could see the influence of his friends in his face.

"No one believes that I love you" Cody confessed "They think I'll break you. But I have no intention to leaven … and in addition to that you're strong enough to get over me, …as if someone is able to break the Viper"

Randy wanted to say he was mighty enough to kill him but decided against it "Sure the Viper is unbreakable" there was a slight hint of sarcasm, in his voice but Cody didn't notice.

"I need to know you're strong enough to survive. We don't know what the future holds for us"

"I am" Randy lied, lying about his emotions grew into a habit.

"Good" Cody was satisfied "Is our food ready?" he changed the topic.

"A few minutes, the potatoes aren't ready yet" Randy sighed inwardly, both of them were great liars and he knew it was the biggest problem in their relationship.

Cody felt bad for lying and bending the truth but he was scared about what he might find.

They ate together in silence, both not able to express their thoughts.

"How's your neck?" Cody finally asked as they went to bed.

"Better" Randy's head still ached but it was bearable.

"Do you need something against the pain?"

"I don't think so, I took a pill an hour before you came home" Randy lay down, he felt so tired.

"Turn around" Cody ordered and Randy obeyed after he got a glare.

Cody sat down on Randy's legs and started to give him a massage.

"You're not okay" Cody stated, Randy's muscles were stiff and he heard him hiss as he touched a sore spot.

"It's not as bad as it seems" Randy enjoyed it, the feeling of Cody's large and strong hands calmed him. He was not alone and Cody cared for him.

Cody continued for fifteen minutes until he was satisfied "I think you're calm enough to get some sleep"

"I did sleep last night" Randy protested.

"Well I wouldn't define restless turning and hissing in pain as peaceful sleep" Cody countered.

"Couldn't you sleep?"

"Huh?"

"You know exactly what I did in my sleep so I think you didn't sleep at all" Randy pointed out.

"I have a light sleep" he tried to backpedal.

"No you don't, you sleep like a rock. I could drop a bomb next door and you wouldn't stir" Randy said amused.

"That's not true" he pouted.

"Yes it is" Randy shut him up with a kiss as he opened his mouth to counter.

"It's so true" Randy chuckled.

"I give up" Cody surrendered, Randy was right anyway.

"Now sleep before you fall asleep in the ring. I don't think Vince appreciates your snoring" Randy ducked as Cody hit him with the pillow "Jerk" the young man said.

"I know" Randy gave him his best Viper look.

"Ohh damn it, stop that. You know how much it turns me on" Cody whined.

"We can play a bit" Randy offered but Cody shook his head "No, you're hurt and we'll wait until you're healed"

Now Randy was the one who pouted but Cody was right, it would be half as fun while he was hurt.

This time it was Cody who was plagued by nightmares, he saw Randy fall again and again. He saw him die the way other wrestlers died in the ring. He heard about them or saw tapes of accidents in the ring, it was rare but not everyone survived. His biggest fear that night was to be left behind. To live a life, without the love of his life. A break up was different than death, you weren't together anymore but you had the knowledge that the person you once loved was still there. That he was happy or at least somewhere near. The pictures in his dream changed and he attended a funeral. On the tomb stone was written "Beloved husband and friend may the angels care for you" Randy Orton … he woke up before his saw the date of death.

Randy jerked awake at the sudden movement next to him "Codes?" he mumbled sleepily.

"I'm fine" he tried to catch his breath.

Randy sat up and groaned as his shoulder hurt "Come here" he opened his arms and Cody cried against his chest. Cody could hear his heart beat, he felt his warm breath against his cheek "Nightmare?" Randy asked.

Cody nodded "Want to talk about it?" Randy caressed his back.

"I dreamt you died in an accident… and-and I had to go to your funeral" the older man knew his little accident affected him but he never thought he scared him this much.

"Codes you broke your hand a few years ago and it didn't matter to you. You nagged and whined how much you hated to take weeks off"

"It was different" Cody rubbed his cheek against the soft skin of Rand's neck.

"How was it different?"

"It was my hand and not your neck" Cody said simply, he started to worry the day he learned to love. Randy taught him what it meant to love and not to use his boyfriend for sex.

He always wondered how love felt; he never had a serious partner. Everyone wanted sex or used him because he was good looking. The first time a guy was seriously interested in him, he didn't even notice and broke his heart. Ted was still angry at him and he understood why but it hurt that they lost their friendship. He never loved Ted and a serious relationship with him wasn't an option. But everything changed the day he met Orton, he felt butterflies when he was near and he was overcharged by his unknown feelings. The tension inside of him grew and grew until the day he ended up in front of Orton's door, drunk and rambling. It was definitely surprising that he denied him one night together. Instead of fucking him he took care of him and kept his hands away. Therefore he loved him even more, he was the man of his dreams and Cody's attraction grew from that day on. He had reached a point where Randy was by far more important than his own life or wishes. Everything turned around the older man and it was okay, he liked it.

"What are you thinking about?" Randy asked after minutes of silence.

"About how much you mean to me" Cody pulled him down "Let's go back to sleep"

"No don't turn around. I want to face you while we sleep" Cody held him back.

Randy frowned, Cody liked to use him as a pillow and it was strange to lie face to face while he held him "As you wish" he gave him a loving smile.

"Thank you" Cody closed his eyes, he fell asleep holding Randy's hand close to his heart.

Randy watched over him during the night, studying every movement he made. He could sleep when Cody went to work; his first priority that night was his young lover.

"I think we should go to a specialist" Cody blurted out, weeks later.

Randy almost dropped his fork "Specialist?"

"Marriage counseling or something like that" he blushed; it couldn't go on that way. They had nightmares, they barely spoke about feelings and Randy's friends got on his nerves. They were constantly watching him, they called everyday and he felt like an intruder in his own life.

"Okay" Randy agreed, maybe it was time to change the dynamic in their relationship. They started to fight a while ago and it didn't seem to stop on its own.

"Good" Cody stared at his plate not able to look Randy into the eyes. He knew what he would find in them, hurt, confusion and sadness "I'll make an appointment"

Randy nodded even though Cody couldn't see; he wasn't in the mood to talk. Every time he opened his mouth he was afraid of Cody's reaction. The young man blew up constantly and Randy hadn't a clue why.

They remained silent on their way to work and it got on Randy's nerves "Baby boy, talk to me, please. Say something" he finally said after they reached their destination.

"I have nothing to say" to tell the truth would hurt him, what should he do? Tell him he hated his friends like the plague? Tell him he hated his coldness? Tell him he hated that he loved him so much? No that was not true he didn't hate his love for Randy but it was too much. They were constantly together, he seldom saw his own friends. Even his friends told him to leave the Viper because he wasn't what he deserved, Randy wasn't good enough.

"I think we should take a break" Cody said with a hint of anger. He was angry at the situation and he was angry at himself for not handling it well.

"Okay" it was his standard answer to Cody's wishes.

"Okay, okay, okay. Can't you say something else?" Cody fumed "Please, don't go or I think your decision is the best choice for the moment"

"I don't want a break" Randy walked away.

Cody stood in the parking lot, his mouth open and his eyes wide. It was the first time in weeks that Randy told him what he wanted "What else don't you want?" he said to himself after Randy entered the elevator.

John looked up and sighed deeply "What happened again?"

Randy remained silent, John was annoyed. He could hear it in his voice.

"Talk to me man" John pushed.

"Not your concern"

John frowned; it was the first time Randy excluded him from his life.

"Ortz, come on" he felt how fear crept into his heart.

"Leave me alone" his deep voice rumbled "I don't want to talk"

John held his hands up "Okay, I'll leave you the hell alone. But don't come to me when you change your mind"

Randy gave him a glare and John hurried out of the locker room. He was pissed that Randy ignored him and told him to leave.

"John I told you to leave me alone" Randy sighed as the door opened.

"Oh sweetheart I'm hurt" Swagger's voice appeared. Randy turned around "What do you want?"

Swagger grinned at him and got closer and closer "Leave" Randy ordered but Swagger didn't stop.

He punched Randy, his head crashed against the metal, and Swagger pinned him against his locker after he lost his balance. "It's my favorite part of my job" he licked his lips. Randy struggled but he couldn't get away. His shoulder wasn't healed and he was still slightly disorientated from the punch. Swagger smiled and kissed him before he rubbed his crotch. Randy's eyes widened when he realized that Swagger was assaulting him. He tried to scream but Swagger put his hand over his mouth. The door opened again and Randy tried to turn his head in the direction but Swaggers grip was too tight. As he heard Cody enter, Swagger started phase two of the plan. He kissed the side of Randy's face and murmured sweet nothings. Cody's eyes filled with tears and he ran as fast as he could. Swagger giggled and touched Randy some more before he released the other man. He was totally turned on that he ejaculated over Randy before he left him alone.

Randy slid to the ground, crying and praying to die "Cody" tears fell down his face. He took a few deep breaths to regain his composure, he got dressed and washed his tear stained face.

Cody hid in a storage room; he felt sick and waited for his heart to burst. He had searched for Randy so he could apologize before it was too late but it seemed Randy got over him pretty fast.

_~ That was why he didn't talk anymore. He found someone else, why the hell Swagger! What does he has what I don't? I'm pretty, I'm loving, I gave everything up for him, offer after offer only for him._

_Damn cheater, how could he! It's over, OVER! ~_

He cried even harder. He didn't understand the world anymore.

Cody tried hard to regain his strength; he had to train with Ted for his next match.

He decided to go on, no one would stop him on his way to the top, and no one especially not Randy would destroy his life. He repeated it like a mantra and tried to put this thought into his head to control his raging feelings.

The young man got up and gave his best in the ring. No one noticed how false the blinding smile was he wore that day.

Randy survived his day on autopilot. He didn't want to think, he didn't want to feel anymore but he trained himself to go on whatever life threw at him. But this time it seemed by far more difficult than the last times. John avoided him and Cody thought god knew what about him.

He took the bus back home because Cody left without him. He was scared to enter the house.

He took a deep breath and put the key into the lock "Cody?" he asked as he realized the darkness in the house.

"Leave" an angry voice ordered, Randy switched on the light.

Cody sat on the couch, he didn't look sad but terribly angry "Codes it's not what you think" it was hard to get these words out of his mouth. A shiver ran down his spine as he thought about telling Cody what happened in the locker room.

"I won't listen to your sorry excuse for cheating on me" the young man spat.

"Please, listen I can explain" Randy felt his heart break even more.

"No, it's over. We're done" Cody threw a bag at him "I don't want to see you ever again. Don't come near me and don't you dare talking to me. I don't trust you. Everything you said were lies. Are you even able to be honest?" Cody's words hit him hard. He felt sick and light headed. He didn't know what to do so he grabbed his bag and turned around to leave. He didn't want to but Cody was too enraged to talk, it was pointless to stay at the moment.

"Oh, now you don't talk anymore I thought you had so much to say. See there's nothing to explain because you know what you have done. We took a break and you're cheating on me not even an hour later. How often have you fucked someone behind my back? 2, 3 or 12. Let me think there's John, Phil, Glen, Mark oh did you have tried Ted, he's not bad maybe you should try, if you didn't do it already. You're so useless and cold you have to push your ego with others" Randy turned around to look at Cody and saw pure hate. He couldn't handle his words; he couldn't handle his life so he decided to leave. He tried hard not to listen as Cody yelled even more while he made his way to his car. He drove with Cody that morning but he owned his own car. He started the engine and drove for hours before he stopped in front of a hotel. He grabbed his things and checked in. He entered the room, it was small but clean "Home sweet home" he whispered before he collapsed onto the bed.


	4. Pain

"Morning Cody" John said coldly, it was pure politeness.

"Morning Cena" he answered.

"What the hell happened to you, you look terrible?" Punk frowned.

"We broke up" Cody stated without emotions.

"Why?" Punk asked as the door opened and Randy entered. He was pale und looked tired.

"Cody can we talk?" he tried to gain his attention.

"Don't talk to me" Cody hissed.

"Please" Randy begged and reached out to touch his shoulder.

"Don't touch me" he punched Randy right in the face "You lost every right to do this as you fucked Swagger, urgh I can't get the image out of my head" the shocked look in Randy's eyes tore at his heart but it was his own fault, he didn't cheat on Randy. Cody grabbed his shirt and stormed out of the room.

"He caught you cheating? Randy how could you?" John almost yelled "I thought you love him"

Punk shook his head and said nothing, something wasn't right and he watched Randy to get his answers.

Randy put up his cold masquerade and left without a word.

"I don't believe it" John rubbed his forehead.

"Something is wrong" Punk looked at Cena "He cheated on him of course there's something wrong"

"I don't think he did" Punk couldn't put a finger on it but a feeling told him Randy would never cheat.

"Why?" John was confused; Cody caught them how could he get that wrong?

"Haven't you looked at him?" he saw in his eyes that he didn't, Punk sighed and ended their conversation.

Randy sat in his hotel room and played with a bottle of sleeping pills he got a while ago. He wanted to end it so bad but he couldn't. He decided to give life a chance and put them away. He would find a different way to release his pain. Old habits die hard, he thought as he pulled the pocketknife out of his bag. He eyed it for a while until he cut the inside of his upper arm. He didn't feel the blade cut into his skin but he felt the warmth of his blood, running down his skin. It was soothing and Randy cut a second time. His thought circled around Cody and Swagger. He showered and showered but he felt dirty, he couldn't get him off his skin, out of his mouth. He felt his touches in his dreams and his presence in his mind when he was awake.

He needed his lover and his friends but they left, without to hear him out, without to ask of his version of the story. Randy went to bed and stared with lifeless eyes at the ceiling until sleep stopped his pain for a short time. He didn't feel well after he woke up, it felt like he got a concussion at one of his encounters with a fist.

Randy met Swagger as he walked through the corridor and he felt sick immediately. Swagger gave him a dirty grin and blew him a kiss. Randy rushed into the bathroom and threw up; he sat next to the toilet and shivered.

Edge went into the bathroom to take a leak as he found Randy, pale as death and shivering like a leaf "Randy?" he kneeled down next to him "Randy, talk to me?" he reached out and touched his shoulder. Randy jumped up and threw up again "Shit" Adam panicked.

Matt, Jeff and John were talking in front of one of the locker rooms as Cody passed by, he tried to avoid them "Cody" John called him.

"Damn it" he muttered and turned around "Yes?"

"How are you?" Cody was surprised that John was concerned.

"Fine" Cody replied; he talked himself into believing that he was okay with the situation.

"No you're not" John could see it in his eyes.

"How would you feel when Adam betrays you?" Cody hissed, he saw the wheels in John's head turning.

"I would feel like shit" John said gently, Cody nodded.

"JOHN" Adam yelled "here you are" he was out of breath.

"Adam calm down. What happened?" Adam's reaction scared him.

"You have to come, NOW" Edge breathed heavily and stepped inpatient from foot to foot.

"Randy!" there was no other option. John began to ran, followed by Matt, Jeff and Cody.

Adam dragged John into the bathroom, while Matt and Jeff stood in front of the door with the intention to keep Cody outside.

"Randy" John got on his knees "What happened?" he looked at Adam.

"I don't know. I had to pee and found him like that" he explained.

"Randy?" he got no reaction "Ortz?"

"Should I call an ambulance?" John shook his head "Wait a moment" he sat down next to Randy and pulled him against his side, gently stroking the side of his face.

"Come on old boy talk to me" he pushed gently.

"I don't feel well" he whispered "I can see that" John said.

"Is it about Cody?" he knew how Randy reacted when he was unsatisfied with life and his own outburst a day ago wasn't helpful either. He should have listened instead of blowing up.

"I want to go home" Randy shivered and got on his knees to throw up once more.

"What did you take?" John asked worried "Nothing" he believed it for now.

"I'll take you home" John offered while he rubbed Randy's back "Come on, get up. Adam, give me a wet paper towel" Adam did as he was told.

John cleaned his friend up before he put an arm around his waist to steady him "Adam tell Vince what happened and that he needs a few days off" Adam nodded and left.

Matt and Jeff were surprised how fast Adam ran out of the room, they turned around to help as John walked through the door with Randy in tow. Cody was shocked how bad his ex-lover looked. He looked sick and slightly disorientated.

Randy tried hard not to look at Cody and was surprisingly successful "Randy, can you hear me?" John wanted to make sure Orton was still here with him.

Randy nodded carefully, every movement made him feel sick "I take you to the hospital" John decided, he wasn't sure Randy didn't take an overdose again.

"Don't want to" he mumbled "Don't answer back!" John said as gentle as possible.

"John has he…?" Matt asked worried.

"I don't know but I give you a call when I know more" Matt nodded and took Jeff's hand.

Cody looked at their linked hands and then back to Randy, he wanted to hold him, to care for him but he couldn't. He despised him and hopped he suffered as much as he made him suffer.

"Matt, he will be alright" Jeff comforted his lover.

"That's what you said last time too. And you know how it ended" Matt watched them go.

"He is here isn't he?" Jeff stroke through Matt's soft hair.

"Not anymore" Matt started to walk and dragged Jeff with him.

Cody couldn't move and asked himself what they were talking about.

"Are you here for Mr. Orton?" a young nurse asked.

"Yes" John replied and followed her.

"Mr. Cena right?" the doctor shook his hand.

"How is he?" answers were more important than politeness.

"He has a slight concussion. He took quite a few blows to the head. He's lucky it's not serious"

John frowned, he saw Cody punch him but only one time.

_~ What happened to you while I wasn't there? I should never have left you alone that day. It's my fault you're here. I should have protected you from Rhodes, why didn't you listen, huh?_

_I wouldn't have listened too when you had told me to leave Adam._

_Oh Randy ~_

"Mr. Cena" the doctor brought him back to reality "Do you know something about his past? Coping strategies for example?"

"What did he do this time?" the doctor took it as a yes "Let me show you" he turned Randy's arm until the fine lines of the knife were visible.

John sighed and closed his eyes for a short moment "Randy"

"Do you know the reason why he hurts himself?"

"His boyfriend left him" the doctor nodded "We gave him something to sleep we'll release him after he wakes up"

"I keep an eye on him" he answered the next question of the doctor before he got the chance to ask.

"You're used to it" the doctor stated, John smiled sadly at him "It will get worse before it gets better" the doctor nodded and left them alone.

"I have to make a call. I'm back in an instant" John patted his cheek but got no reaction, not that he truly expected one.

"Hey Adam" he pinched the bridge of his nose "Please find out where Randy lives at the moment and collect his things, … yes…I want him near…right. He has a concussion that's why he puked. No Cody isn't here; you're right he has to stay away. I love you too. See ya"

Edge put his phone away and headed for the locker room. He looked through Randy's things until he found a hotel key.

"Adam, has John called?" Matt stood in the doorway.

"Randy has a concussion and he asked me to collect his thing. I think it's serious"

Jeff nodded "Cody vanished" he added.

"He isn't at the hospital and that's good. I'm not sure what John would do if he got him into his hands" Adam packed Randy's things away.

"I have to go. Keep an eye on Cody for us… should you find him" he shrugged.

"We come by tomorrow evening" Matt decided and left no room for an argument.

Adam chuckled "Sure. See you tomorrow then"

"I'll break Cody's neck" Matt hissed after Adam left them alone.

"But Randy's the one at fault" Jeff reminded him.

"Ah come on. Do you really believe Randy would cheat on him?" Matt frowned and gesticulated.

"They took a break maybe he wanted revenge or he was lonely" Jeff numerated.

"No" Matt was confident that Randy was innocent. Jeff stopped to argue he knew better than discuss with Matt when he made up his mind.

Cody sat on the couch in the living room and held a picture of better times. It was their first date, they visited an amusement park. Randy stood behind him and had his arms around Cody. His chin rested on the younger man's head. Cody clung to the picture for dear life. Randy's eyes shone and he seemed so happy.

"What happened with us?" Cody spoke to himself.

_~ We were so happy! When did I start to get so jealous? And when did you start to remain silent? I miss you so; the house is empty without you. I packed two storage boxes and nothing is left of you in here. Why is it so easy to clear out your belongings? I found your clothes, toiletries, a few pictures and books but that's all. Everything in here is mine or we bought it together but almost nothing is yours. I should have noticed it earlier; before you were gone maybe I could have done something to keep you by my side. You could have talked to me, I would have listened but you decided to whore around. Worthless whore! ~_

He crushed the picture in his hands before he took off his engagement ring. He rolled it around between his fingers "I forgot to take it off" he wondered.

He got up and went to the trash bin, he held his hand above the opening but his hand didn't listen to his brain. He couldn't let go of it. Cody sighed and opened a drawer "Goodbye" he threw the ring into the drawer and slammed it shut.

The young man decided he needed a drink and company. He took his cell phone and called a few friends.

"Hey Cody, how are you?" Rey gave him a hug.

"I'm fine" he felt better when he wasn't alone.

"I thought you threw his belongings away?" Rey looked around but it seemed nothing changed.

"I did" Cody put his stuff into storage boxes because he wasn't able to throw them away.

"But it looks like nothing changed in here" Miz said confused.

"There was nothing to throw away" they stared at him "It's as if he never moved in, sure we bought the furniture together but I had a great influence on him"

"Have you heard that Orton has a concussion? I overheard a phone call between Edge and John" Miz said, changing the topic as he noticed the change in Cody's mood. He wished John was there but he asked his boyfriend to stay at home even though he was a friend too but Morrison agreed to keep their happy relationship away from Cody for a while.

Cody shuddered as he remembered Randy's appearance that evening. He looked so sick and vulnerable it hurt.

"That's why he looked so miserable and I thought he might miss me" Cody spat.

"We told you to keep away from him" Kofi stepped through the door with Ted in tow.

"What do you want here?" Miz frowned.

"I got over what happened between us so I thought Cody could use some help too" he sounded worried.

"Thank you Ted" he missed their friendship and regretted the way their friendship ended. Maybe that was the chance to get closer again.

"Come here" Ted opened his arms and Cody accepted the offer.

They hugged for a few minutes until they heard the front door open. Randy was Cody's first thought and his heart raced "What do you want John?" Cody was surprised how disappointed he felt about the fact that it wasn't Randy.

"Where are his things?" he looked around.

"Follow me" Cody said coldly, John obeyed.

"Here" he pointed at two storage boxes "That's all?" John eyed him suspiciously.

"Yes, I packed a bag before I threw him out and this is what's left"

"I thought things changed" John said out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" Cody crossed his arms.

"He wasn't at home at your house but I thought now that you bought the house he would find peace" John sighed.

"He was always welcome in my house " Cody shot back.

"That was the problem. It was your house, everything was yours" John realized that Cody couldn't understand the problem.

Cody bit his bottom lip "Where is he?"

"The doctor said he needs someone who watch over him so Adam and I decided to take him in" John explained.

"How is he?" John noticed that Cody was truly interested.

"He got a concussion" John thought about what the doctor said "Did you hit him more than one time?"

"No" he wished he had "Why?"

"Doesn't matter" John took the boxes and walked back to the living room.

"Cena! Tell him to stay away from him" Ted hissed.

Cody's heart stopped as he saw the look on John's face. He saw resignation, fear and a hint of sadness "Trust me you won't even notice his presence"

Cody opened his mouth to tell John to wait a moment but Ted interfered, he tried to get away from his friends but as he left the house he only saw John's rear lights.

"Damn it" he said to himself, John's reaction scared him. He shouldn't worry about the bastard but he did and he knew it wouldn't change in the near future. He still loved Randy and he wasn't sure he would be able to fall out of love.

"Come in or you catch a cold" Rey led him back into the house.


	5. Friends

John was right you couldn't tell if Randy was there or not. He walked like a ghost through the corridors; he didn't speak or socialize with others. Randy felt dead inside but he had to be strong for John. He wouldn't forgive him if he takes his own life.

He tried his best to avoid Cody and most importantly Swagger.

"Hey Randy" Punk tried his luck.

"Hey" the Viper answered.

"How are you?" Punk knew it was a stupid question, he looked terrible.

"I had better days" Randy knew Punk never lost his trust in him.

"Do you want to tell me what really happened?" he pushed.

"No" Randy shook his head.

"Okay" Punk accepted his decision, he wouldn't give up but he could wait "Do you want to go out tonight?"

"I'm not in the mood" he planned to do his job and crawl back into his bad.

"Can I come over tonight?" Punk tried again.

"Do what you want" Randy continued to walk away.

Punk sighed "I failed" he felt Kane's presence "No you didn't. He isn't ready"

"We can't wait too long or we'll lose him for sure" Punk turned around and looked at his lover.

"I'll keep my eyes and ears open" the older man promised "You won't lose him"

"I'm not sure" he feared that they lost him already.

"Come" he put an arm around his lover and dragged him away "We'll find a way…. I think we need Rhodes help"

"But he hates him"

"John said he seemed worried the last time he saw him, maybe we can use his remaining feelings"

"Glen, you're a bad boy" Punk grinned.

"And you love me for that" Kane countered, Punk chuckled "oh yeah I do"

"Wait" they heard Matt's voice.

"Hey Matt" Kane eyed him "It's our turn to watch over him tonight and I want to ask if you have time to come over" Matt asked.

"I promised Randy to pay him a visit this evening" Punk stated, Kane rose a brow "You didn't promise you threatened him" he said.

"It's the same" Punk huffed, Matt chuckled "Adam and John celebrate their third anniversary and we offered to look after him. You know them they would never leave him alone"

"I wonder how Randy puts up with both of them. They're worse than my mother and grandmother together" Punk grimaced.

Matt laughed until Kane interfered "I don't think he notices anything"

"You might be right" Matt nibbled on his bottom lip and sighed deeply.

"We have to distract him" Punk mused "and how do we do that?" Matt threw in.

"I have no clue"

"Good me neither" Matt rubbed his forehead "I think I borrow movies and talk to him until his ears bleed"

"Great. You're more effective than sleeping pills" Punk nagged.

"Thank you" Matt said sarcastically "Sleep is what he needs" Kane shrugged.

Matt rolled his eyes and groaned "See ya later"

"Popcorn?" Punk offered while they watched the first DVD.

"No thank you" Randy stared at the screen, he tried to forget but the movie wasn't helping.

"Pepsi, Whisky or water?" Matt offered but got the same answer.

"You have to eat or at least drink something before you dehydrate" Jeff begged, Randy turned his head to look at him and saw worry in his eyes. He took a bottle of water to make them happy.

The evening was uncomfortable for all of them. Randy wanted to be alone and his friends didn't know how to handle him.

_~ I miss him so much. I wish he would be here with me._

_His smile lightened my day and his voice was so calming. I understand that he hates me but it wasn't my fault. No that's wrong it was my fault. I should have pushed harder; I should have fought a lot harder than I did. It was my own fault that he did what he did. He took everything from me. Everything I have left is a life I don't want._

_John lost his trust; he believes I'm a cheater. It's bad enough I lost Cody but John too is a catastrophe. He took me in, he apologized but he left me when I needed him most, they both left when I needed them. Chris and Cody are right I'm worthless and insignificant ~_

"Randy?" Matt shook him.

He looked at them "I asked if you want to watch a second DVD" Matt repeated.

"No, I go to bed" he stood up and bid goodbye before he went upstairs.

"Wow" Jeff sighed "How the hell did John safe him last time?"

"He got on his nerves until he gave in" Matt remembered.

"You never told me about that" Jeff crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"You never asked" Matt smiled at him.

"I ask now" the young man had waited for Matt to tell him what happen but he never did.

"Randy attempted suicide and John gave him a wigging. It wasn't his intention to overdose and I believe that but sometimes … his mind shuts down and he's functioning on … autopilot. John and Adam locked him in for a few days after he was released and we fussed over him until he understood that he was indeed loved" Matt explained.

"We talked to him if he wanted to or not, we watched movies, we played games so he never was alone. We left him some space to think too, it's not as if we were around 24/7 but we were near and kept an eye on him constantly" Punk added.

"He's a good guy" Jeff pitied him.

"Yes he is but he has issues" Matt rubbed Jeff's back.

"He loves Rhodes more than he loved me" a voice appeared out of nowhere "you should lock the front door" he pointed at the door as they stared at him.

"What are you doing here?" Punk frowned.

"I don't want him to die" Chris said "Believe it or not I still like him. Whatever you think I never hated him. I grew up a little too late. I tried to change after I saw what my actions caused. I swore to make it up to him one day, after I almost killed him"

"I think you should leave" it wasn't a suggestion it was an order, Kane got up to empathize his words.

"Stay" they heard Randy's voice. He heard the ruckus and wondered what happened.

"But Randy…" Matt tried to argue but Randy stopped him "Can we talk?" he asked.

Punk almost dropped his pepsi "Randy do you think it's a good idea?"

"No" he gestured Chris to follow him.

"You look terrible" Chris eyed him "I want to apologize"

"It's too late for that but we can start from scratch" Randy didn't look at him while he continued to walk.

"Okay, I'd like that" Chris followed him into his room.

"How's R-Truth?" Randy asked.

"He's fine" Chris blushed; it was awkward to talk about his relationship with Randy.

"You're the strangest couple I ever saw" Randy said with a hint of a smile.

"I know we hear that pretty often" Chris tilted his head "Do you like to tell me what happened?"

"I can't" Randy held it in for so long that he couldn't get it out anymore.

"I heard he left because he caught you with Swagger" Chris watched him closely and noticed the shiver as he mentioned Swagger's name.

"What did he do?" he had broken his heart but he still knew him pretty well.

Randy looked at him in shock "Nothing"

"Don't lie" Chris waved a finger "I might have said mean things to you but most of them weren't true. I do know you you're not as cold and heartless as people think you are and you're a terrible liar"

"He…." Randy choked on his words "Take a deep breath and tell me what he did"

"Don't tell anyone" Randy shut his eyes "I promise and I don't intend to break my word. Your friends have to figure it out on their own if they want to know what happened. I'm surprised they didn't figure it out already. I need five minutes with you to know what's weighing on your soul"

"That's why I fell in love with you" Randy rubbed his neck.

"We weren't meant to be" Chris smiled sadly "Tell me what he did"

"He assaulted me, he said something about a job and that touching me was his favorite part of it. He touched me everywhere and I couldn't …"

"It's not your fault Randy" Chris heard that people who got sexually assaulted thought they were at fault "He took you by surprise, there was nothing you could do. Did he…you know"

"No" Randy shook his head "but he ejaculated over me the last time I saw him he blew me a kiss. I'm scared he comes back to get me"

"I'll take care of you, he will not touch you again" Chris was angry "Cody saw us and he thinks we… I – " Chris took him into his arms, he was trembling like an aspen leaf.

"I'll try to change his mind" Chris promised "You can't. I saw the hate in his eyes, I rather die than seeing it again" Randy stifled a sob.

"You can cry as much as you want. It doesn't make you weak. It's normal to cry" Chris thought about a way to change Cody's mind.

"You're the first who listened" Randy sounded tired.

"What's with John?" Chris was surprised that John wasn't privy to the matter.

"I didn't want to talk and he got angry. He told me not to bother him should I change my mind"

"He was angry I'm sure he would listen" Chris soothed.

"He believes I cheated on Cody" Chris was even more surprised, John knew him good enough not to believe in stories like that.

"Go to bed. You'll see it can only get better" Chris smiled at him to cheer him up but his smile faded. Randy knew better than to believe in his words "I know I lied don't look at me like that" he tucked Randy in and settled down next to him.

"I'll stay tonight and keep bad dreams away" Chris grinned.

Randy chuckled softly "You sound like my mom"

"I know" Chris watched him until he fell asleep.

A soft knock disturbed his thoughts "Is he okay?" Punk asked.

"Of course not but he'll survive the night" Chris looked at Punk, they were friends once but his actions cost him more than a good friend, it cost him everyone. No one spoke to him anymore and he needed months to build a new social network.

"Why are you here?" he entered.

"Like I said I swore to make it up to him" Chris whispered.

"Why?" Punk watched Randy sleep.

"I miss our friendship, he was my best friend before we became lovers and I broke his heart. We should have stayed friends but I dragged him into a relationship. I don't know why I had others. I loved him but I think I loved him like a brother and not like a lover"

"You still love him like a brother" Punk was sure.

"I do. I never stopped to care even though I was so mean. I don't know why, I ask me the same questions year for year but …" Chris regretted what he did deeply.

"It's too late. You can't change what happened but you can try to change the future" Punk rested a hand on his shoulder.

"I want to see him happy again" Chris couldn't remember when he saw him truly happy.

"Me too" Punk smiled at him "me too"

John and Adam entered the house "Cute" Adam grinned. Matt and Jeff slept arm in arm on the couch. Punk and Kane lay on the floor and snuggled closer together.

"Where is Randy?" John looked worried "They promised to keep an eye on him"

"They can't stay up all night" Adam reasoned.

"I know" he pinched the bridge of his nose "Go" Adam smiled at him. John nodded and went upstairs to look for Randy. He was surprised as he opened the door. Next to Randy's bed sat a man who held his hand. His head rested on the mattress and he couldn't make out who it was.

He stepped closer, his stomach churned as he saw Chris. He was angry but decided to wait until he kicked his ass. Randy looked so peaceful in his sleep. It was the first time in weeks.

"Is he alright" Adam asked as John stepped out the room. He glared at Adam "Chris is here"

"What?" his jaw dropped "He's holding Randy's hand and it seemed he calmed him down" John hissed.

He was angry at Chris but mostly at himself. Chris, who broke his friend's heart, was able to calm him down. He struggled day for day to keep his friend alive and Chris showed up and made it better in one night. That wasn't fair.

"Let's go to sleep, we can try to get to the bottom of things tomorrow morning" the blond took John's hand and led him into their own room.

"Morning" Punk shuffled into the kitchen. John was wide awake and had prepared breakfast for his friends. He couldn't sleep at night and lie in bed, wide awake and musing.

"Why is he here?"Cena hissed, Punk grumbled "He came by last night and asked for Randy"

"Why is he here?" John repeated slowly.

"He wants to help. He loves Randy and I believe him" Punk explained.

"He broke his heart" John looked at the straight edge superstar.

"He loves him like a brother and he knows he made a grave mistake but he intends to make it up to him. I think Randy means a lot to him" Punk backpedaled to ease the tension in the room.

"I don't understand why his presence helps Randy so much. I try and try to help him but he won't listen" John slammed a drawer shut.

"You're jealous" Punk pressed his lips together "John, he was his boyfriend, he knows things about Randy you never heard bout. He sees things you can't see. You know that. No one knows Adam better than you. No one knows Kane better than I do"

"I put the pieces together, I held him until he slept, I held his hand while he lay in the hospital, I listened to him"

"You told him not to bother you this time" Punk reminded him.

"I didn't mean what I said" John huffed.

"You know how he is. You say don't bother me and he won't bother you, tell him to go away and he'll never come back" Punk stated.

"I'm his friend" John seemed to fight against tears.

"And you'll be his friend forever" Punk sighed "He loves you; you hurt him as you turned your back at him. You accused him of cheating. I don't believe this lie. Swagger tricked him"

John's eyes widened, he never thought of that "He assaulted him?"

Punk's jaw dropped "Oh" he mouthed, he thought Swagger might had tricked them but he never took into consideration that the tall man could have abused Randy.

"That's not far from the truth" Chris lent against the doorframe.

"What did he do?" John needed an answer.

"I can't tell you. I promised to remain silent. You have to figure it out on your own" Chris rested his head against the doorframe.

"But…" Punk wanted to argue but Chris shook his head "I promised and I'll stay true to my word. I lost his trust once and I won't jeopardize what little we have"

"How?" John frowned sadly.

"Watch him closely. His mimic, his gestures, his moods, everything and you'll find the answer pretty fast" Chris offered some help.

"How did you do it?" Punk was truly interested how he figured it out so fast.

"The right word at the right time" Chris said cryptically "Tell Randy I had to go. R-Truth kills me if I'm not home in an hour"

"Sounds like you found what you looked for" Punk smiled.

"Yeah, I never suspected to fall for him but that's life" he shrugged before he bid goodbye.

"I think he changed" Punk said.

"You might be right" John stared at the door "We have to be observant"

Punk nodded "I wake the others and we can talk a bit before Randy wakes up"


	6. Breakdown

"Hey Randy" Adam smiled at him.

"Hey" he felt better and Chris's visit had lightened his mood. It felt good to talk about the incident.

"I heard Chris was here" Adam tried to get information.

"It was nice to see him again" Randy was happy about his new found friendship with Chris. He had to be careful but their chances were pretty good.

"Did you talk?" the blond pushed.

"Yes but I won't tell you" Randy looked right trough him.

Adam chuckled "You caught me"

Randy grinned at him, Adam pinched himself to make sure he was awake "Randy is back" he flung himself at him.

Randy went stiff but relaxed pretty fast. Adam was a friend and John's boyfriend, he would never abuse him.

"Adam what the hell is the noise about?" John yelled through the hall.

"Randy is back" he yelled though the house. The Viper blushed as John approached them "What?" Cena frowned.

"He grinned at me and he meant it" Adam patted Randy's back.

John's features softened "Good" he pulled the tall man into a tight hug "I missed you"

"I never left" Randy struggled slightly against the embrace. He hated to be touched even though they're his friends.

John cupped his cheeks and looked deep into his eyes "Don't do that again" he warned "Don't scare us again"

"I give my best" Randy smiled at him; John nodded that was good enough.

"Let's eat. Jeff's starving" they heard Matt's voice "Come on Randy you need to put on some weight"

Two months passed since their break up and he still felt terrible. He acted as if he got over it but that was far from the truth. His heart clenched every time he saw the older man.

He wanted him back, he considered forgiving him but he felt too betrayed.

Randy seemed to be okay. That hurt even more. The older man had played with him and threw him away like a boring toy.

What Cody didn't know was that Randy's whole appearance was a lie he made up to satisfy his friends. He still cut himself and he still contemplated suicide. He couldn't count the nights he lie awake, holding the bottle of sleeping pills in his hands and praying for the strength to throw them away but he kept them. He wanted to die so bad but he held on.

Cody walked through the corridors, he was looking for Rey.

"Randy cut the crap. I can't patch you up every damn day" the trainer whispered while he bandaged Randy's hand "What have you done this time?"

"Training" Randy didn't dare to look him in the eye.

"With the brick wall again?" he sighed, Randy hissed as he put pressure on the bruises.

"Yes" Randy confessed, there was no reason to lie.

"Have you talked to Vince?" the trainer asked.

"I have an appointment at 6 p.m. " Randy looked at the wall clock.

"Do you think he can help you?"

"Last time he could" Randy tried to remember. He talked to Vince the last time he had a break down and the older man understood. He told him that Stephanie had problems too and he learned a lot about people who harmed themselves. It was interesting how eager Vince was to help him. They started a friendship like relationship that day. He could come to him whenever he needed someone to talk and Vince came to him when he needed help to cope with his little girl.

"It has to stop"

"I know" Randy missed his baby boy. He felt lonely without him, it didn't matter how many friends he had life was empty without Cody. He missed his smile, the sound of his laugh, his dashing character. Not everything was an act; Cody was cheeky, beautiful and happy.

The loneliness tore at his heart and soul; he broke a little more day by day.

Sometimes he wondered how much time he had left before his time would come. The fight against his death wish was becoming increasingly difficult. Everyday could be his last but it didn't matter anymore there was nothing left to live for and nothing left to fight for.

Cody held his breath; Randy wasn't as unaffected as he thought or had his plaything dumped him? Maybe it was time for a talk, the young man mused as he heard steps inside the room. He ran down the corridor until he reached his locker room, he hoped they didn't see him.

"Hey Vince" Randy sat down on a comfy chair.

"How are you, boy?" Vince studied him; the young man looked lost and paler than normal.

"I don't feel well" he and Vince made a deal long ago, they promised to be honest.

"I can see that" the older man nibbled on his pen.

"He talked to you" Randy could see the conflict in his eyes.

"Chris told me to keep Swagger away from you. I didn't ask why but I heard what happened between you and Cody. You don't need to be a genius to put two and two together"

"I don't know what to do anymore" Randy stared at his hands.

"What did he do to you?" Vince blurted out.

"He kissed me, touched me and ejaculated over me. I can't get him out of my head, I feel him all over me. I never felt so dirty in my whole life"

"Did I ever tell you why Stephanie started to… you know" Randy shook his head.

"Her teacher liked her … let me say 'too much'. He didn't rape her but it was enough to destroy her little soul. I'm impressed you're still here; you lost the love of your life and have to deal with Swagger. I hope it stays that way. I don't want to lose you. You're a friend and friends take care of each other. I do everything to help you, everything you have to do is ask"

"Keep him away from me" Randy begged.

"I can't draft him at the moment and his contract is faultless. You have to go to the police or wait a few months so I can prepare his draft"

"I'll wait" to do him justice or not didn't matter. Everything he wanted was to get away from him.

"We keep an eye on him and I make arrangements for your safety" Vince promised. Randy wasn't sure he could keep his promise but it was good enough. Vince knew what he did and Randy trusted him.

"I'll call John so he can pick you up" Vince smiled at him. Randy nodded.

"Cody" Ted said cheerful "What's up?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry" Cody replied, he didn't feel comfortable.

"I don't think you're fine" Ted touched his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I miss him" the young man sighed.

"He betrayed you, how can you miss him?" Ted said disgusted.

"I love him, that's why" Cody spat.

"He's not worth it" DiBiase shook his head "I don't understand why you regret leaving him"

"Because he's the love of my life" Cody whispered.

"He's a worthless liar and you know that. He fucked Swagger behind your back" he wanted Cody back and the best way to achieve his goal was to make him hate Randy.

"Yes he's worthless, yes he lied and yes he's a jerk" Cody yelled "but he's my worthless, lying jerk" he added in a low tone.

Ted shot around as he heard the door creak. John opened his mouth to say something but decided to remain silent.

"Let's go" Cody could see that he held a hand, his heart stopped to beat for a terrible moment. John dragged Randy away from them. Cody ran and stopped in front of his locker room, he wasn't sure he imagined it or not but could swear the Viper had tears in his eyes as he passed the room.

"Randy!" the young man yelled angrily "Wait" but they didn't stop. He stared at their retreating backs until they turned around a corner.

"Forget him" Ted approached him "You'll find better love. I would like to give us a try again and there are many men who would love to take you out on a date"

Cody chuckled "You befriended me because you hope I come back to you" he realized.

"No Cody. I want to be your friend. It would be nice to be more but your friendship is enough for me" Ted wanted to slap himself; he almost ruined his plan because of his big mouth.

"I don't want you and I don't want Tyson or whoever. I want Randy" Cody left. Ted punched the door; his plan didn't work at all.

"Seems your plan has some flaws" Swagger giggled.

"Shut up" Ted hissed "he's totally obsessed with Orton. How can I change his mind?"

"I can destroy Orton completely and when you're lucky he passes away and the cute young man comes running into your arms for comfort" Swagger grinned.

"I'm not a killer" Ted wasn't ready to sacrifice Randy's life.

"He looks sick and I think he will break soon" Swagger patted his back.

"What do you mean?" Ted frowned.

"I get some fun and you reach your goal. Deal?" he held out his hand. Ted shook his hand "Deal"

"What does Vince want from you?" John watched him before he started the engine of his car.

"Nothing" Randy tried to banish the voices in his head.

"He didn't order you into his office for nothing"

"I asked for an appointment" Randy rested his head against the side-window.

"Why?" John didn't know they were friends.

"We talk from time to time" Randy closed his eyes, listening to the rain drops tapping against the glass.

"Oh" John was surprised; he never realized they were so close.

"I thought it's better not to involve you. It's dangerous to befriend your boss. Envier and selfish people are everywhere. I'm worried they threat you to get a higher status or they try to ruin you"

"Ortz, I can take care of myself. I'm not angry at you" he added the last part to sooth Randy.

"I thought so too" Randy mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought I could take care of myself but I was wrong" Randy's breathe evened out and he fell asleep.

John was relieved that he fell asleep because he had no clue what to say.

"Randy wake up" John shook him gently; Randy rubbed his eyes and yawned. John chuckled; Randy looked like a little kid when he did that.

"Go to bed" John took their bags and went inside. Randy stopped in the middle of the way to feel the purring rain and stared into the night sky.

_~ Worthless! …. Liar !…jerk! Worthless! …. Liar !…jerk …. heartless! Hate you! …. Liar!…bastard! cold! Useless! ….whore !…jerk! heartless bastard!…~_

Parts of the most painful words of the last months echoed through his mind. He heard Cody's voice and sometimes even Chris.

"Randy" John yelled but he wasn't listening. John grabbed his hand and dragged him into the house.

"Shower! Now" John ordered more forceful.

Randy obeyed and went upstairs. He turned the water as hot as he could stand.

"He hates me" he whispered to himself "Ted is back by his side, it could work out this time" Cody's happiness was important to him.

He spied the razor next to his shampoo, after a few seconds he decided to take it. The cuts were deeper than the last time but not deadly. He leant back against the wall and slid down until he sat under the hot spray. His cuts burned like hell and he watched his blood mix with the water. The pure and colorless water turned red with his worthless blood "I want to go home" squeezed his eyes shut.

"Randy are you alright?" John knocked before he opened the door.

"Damn it" he shoved the shower curtain aside and stared at his friend.

"I don't know how to stop" he looked at him with big sad eyes.

"I know my friend. Let me see" Jon examined the wounds and sighed "I think you need stitches this time"

"I know" Randy whispered. John toweled him as best he could and helped him into his clothes.

"Don't forget to leave a note. He'll wonder where you are" Randy spoke he seemed more coherent than before.

"You're right" he wanted to go to the hospital as soon as possible but it was important to Randy.

"Is he alright?" Adam asked as John tried to sneak into their bedroom.

"Yes he needed stitches but it wasn't dangerous" John fell into bed with a content sigh "I'm so tired. I can't take it anymore. Constantly worrying, looking after him and hoping he's still alive when I get home" Adam gave him a light kiss "You can't live without him, you'll put up with it as long as it takes" he smiled.

John sighed deeply "Yeah. I want my friend, my brother back"

"I know you do" the blond rubbed soothing circles on John's chest.

"Do you think he'll pull through it?" John gave him his best 'be honest' look.

"No" Adam was surprised their friend was still alive.

"Me neither" John sobbed, he couldn't fight against his tears anymore.

"Hush" Edge took him into his arms; there was nothing he could do to comfort him. John told him what happened that day while he continued to cry.

Randy stood in front of their door and listened, he never hear or saw John cry, it tore on his heart. It was time to get a grip on himself or he wouldn't only destroy himself but his friends too. He went back to his room.


	7. Accident

"Orton" Rey greeted politely.

"Mysterio" he replied.

"What do you want in here?" Rey eyed him suspiciously.

"I want to talk to Cody" he looked around.

"You have no right to bother him. You whore" Randy kept his expression neutral.

Randy's behavior pissed him of and he punched him "Get lost"

"Rey" Cody yelled "Don't stop me" Rey shot back "I kick his ass" he punched a second time but this time Randy was able block his fist with his injured arm. He groaned in pain while he watched how his white sleeve turned red.

Cody stared at his arm in shock "What happened to your arm?"

"I had an accident" Randy replied coldly before he left. Cody wanted to follow him but decided against it. He would ask around for information later "What the hell was that?" Cody glared at his friend.

"He deserved it" Mysterio huffed "He's a whore and I'll make sure he stays away from you"

"You have no right to interfere in my life" Cody yelled at him.

"Sorry to disturb your little banter but there is something I have to do before you can continue to bite your heads of" Kane entered.

"What do you want?" said Rey in a fretful tone.

Kane smirked "This" and punched him in the face. Mysterio landed ungracefully on his ass "I think you broke my nose you bastard" he muttered "Wait until Vince hears about it… he'll fire you"

Kane smirked "I don't think so"

"Why?" Cody knew Vince hated violence backstage.

"The punched was delivered with greetings from Vince" Kane bowed dramatically before he glared at Mysterio "Leave Orton alone or next time one of us will break your neck, by accident of course"

"We?" Cody looked from Rey to Kane "We keep him safe from people like him" he pointed at Mysterio.

"He can take care of himself" Cody spat.

"Are you sure?" Kane's tone softened, he shook his head and left.

"No, not anymore" Cody whispered to himself. He looked at Rey and argued with himself. Should he help him up or leave him behind? He decided to be nice even though he was angry at his friend.

"Thanks man" Rey mumbled.

"You deserved it" Cody changed his clothes and left. Rey stared dumbly at his friend, it seemed he made a mistake. It was time to bring them back together before one of them got seriously hurt.

"Cody" John grabbed his arm; he jerked his arm away but didn't walk away.

"Give him a chance" Cody was flabbergasted, that was the last thing he expected.

"Huh?" he asked dumbly.

"Take him back, please. I don't know what happened exactly but it's not what it seemed" John hoped he got the hint.

"I know what I saw" Cody shivered at the thought.

"Are you sure?" John said cryptically and left, it was useless to argue with the young man. He was certain Randy cheated on him.

Cody shook his head, he was confused and frustrated. He felt as if he was the only one who knew nothing.

"Adam where's Randy?" John ran down the steps.

"He packed his stuff and left" Adam had tried to stop him but the other man said it was for the best.

"Did he tell you where he's going?" John rubbed his forehead.

"He rented a flat not far from here" Adam explained "He knows you want him near and we know he wants to give us some space"

"He heard us"

"I think so" Adam agreed "I called Matt and Jeff they'll keep an eye on him while they're here"

"Rey hit him and his stitches tore, he had to get stitched up again" John settled down on the couch.

"I heard Kane broke Mysterio's nose" Adam grinned, John looked at him in surprise "Really?"

"Yes. Punk told me" he told him what happened "Cody seemed worried as his stitches tore and his sleeve turned blood red. At least that's what the rumor mill says but I think that part is true"

"I hope it's true" John snuggled closer to his lover "Cody loves him and I'm sure he'll take him back sooner or later"

"Better sooner than later" Adam sighed "We have to show him the truth, whatever the truth is"

"The most plausible theory is that Swagger … that he …urg… I can't even say it" John grimaced.

"I don't want to think about it" Adam frowned "Poor Randy, he's so in love with Cody and then someone like Swagger breaks everything apart"

"I'll kill him next time we meet in a match" John vowed "I think you're not the only one" Adam switched the T.V. on.

"What do you mean?" John grabbed the remote control, Adam smiled at him "Punk, Kane, Matt, Jeff, you and me but first of all Chris. I saw him looking at Swagger during practice. It was scary. Don't mess with Jericho or you can make your testament "

"That bad?" John put his legs on the table "I never saw so much hate in his eyes, it was like … I don't know. Do you remember the movie we watched last week? Where a young man killed the little brother of a young man, by accident, and they end up in the same prison?"

"Yeah, the look in the older brother's eyes was almost real" John agreed.

"That was the look Chris used" Adam added, he felt John shiver next to him.

"I saw the look on you too once" the blond kissed his forehead "The day Chris broke Randy's heart"

"I didn't" John pouted, Adam chuckled "next time I take a picture"

"He suffered enough, where is his happiness in life?" John thoughts wandered to Randy, he felt the urge to pay him a visit but Randy need as much space as they did.

"We have to convince Cody to give him a second chance" but the problem was how.

"Adam" John looked at him "I love you"

Adam smiled sadly "Love you too" he pulled him closer and gave him a passionate kiss "Let us enjoy the night and forget everything for a little while"

"Why is he so nervous?" Cody approached John two months later.

"What are you talking about?"John was surprised that Cody talked to him; normally he avoided him like the plague.

"His posture is stiff and he flexes his fingers, he does that when he's scared" Cody watched the Viper from afar.

"I never noticed" John studied Randy's behavior.

"He does it pretty often recently" Cody hoped John would give him a hint.

"He misses you. He's a nervous wreck since you left him" Cena tried to show him how much the older man needed him.

"It's not that, there is something else" Cody ignored his appeal.

John huffed and looked at Cody "Why don't you talk to him? It's not on me to tell you what happened the last few months but please believe me when I say it was not his fault"

"I'm not sure it matters anymore" Cody tilted his head to the side and frowned deeply as Randy jerked away from Mark's touch "What was that?"

John turned around to look at Randy but he missed the important part, he gave Cody a questioning look.

"He jerked away from Mark's touch as if he got burned" the young man explained.

John nodded, what confused Cody "Cena!" the young man warned "He never reacted that way before"

"There are four people who can answer that question but I'm not one of them. We are pretty sure we know the reason but he won't tell us if we're right or not"

"Who knows what happened?" Cody needed to know.

"Randy, Chris, Vince and Swagger" John hoped the hint was clear.

Cody nodded "We have a show to prepare for; it's the biggest event this summer"

"Cut the crap and tell me to get the hell away" John nagged, how could the young man be so stupid? He gave a broad hint but Cody seemed to ignore it.

John and his friends did their best to keep Jack and Cody's friends away from Randy but the Viper remained jumpy. Adam thought that Swagger might have approached Randy a second time but there were no evidences for his theory.

Randy did his best to appear strong and healthy but he was dead on the inside. He felt like a robot, he stood up, he skipped breakfast, he trained, he skipped lunch, he trained or performed a great show, he ate dinner because his friends forced him after that he went to bed. Vince paid him a visit every week and treated him to dinner. They talked and made plans for the future. Vince thought it might be helpful to plan the future; it gave the Viper a reason to hold on. Randy found it kind of cute but nothing could change his mind, his time had come, his decease was past due.

But every time he decided to end it, his friends showed how much they cared and he had to change his mind for their sake. Sometimes he asked himself if he made the right decision, they would worry and care until the day he died. They would be sad when he ended his life now but they had the chance to go on once they got over his death.

Both options were unsatisfying so he delayed his decision for months now.

"Hey man" Mark touched his arm; he almost jumped out of his skin "Wow sorry it wasn't my intention to scare you" Mark put up his hands.

"I was lost in thoughts" Randy replied with a hint of fear in his voice. He hated to be touched especially after Jack caught him in the parking lot a few weeks ago.

He surprised him from behind, this time with the intention to rape him, but he was lucky right at that moment a car appeared. He had problems to sleep and he got paranoid. He saw him everywhere and he felt dirtier than before. No wonder Cody avoided him, he was a dirty plaything. How could the young man like him when he hated himself more than anything?

"Earth to Randy" Mark waved his hand in front of his eyes only then he realized that Mark was talking to him.

"Sorry, my mind wandered to the upcoming match" Randy lied.

"You're fighting against Rey tonight, right?" Mark nibbled on his bottom lip "Be careful he's in a bad mood"

"I'm always careful" Randy said sarcastically.

"I know, that's the reason you broke your collar bone" Mark countered.

"See, I could have broken my neck" Randy tried to lighten the mood.

"Be careful" Mark wanted to touch his shoulder but stopped himself, he didn't believe in rumors but this time he wasn't sure.

"You too" Randy meant what he said, he liked the older man "and take care of Kane or Punk will kick your ass"

Mark laughed "Yeah, poor Glen, his little one is a bit of a handful" and waved him goodbye.

Randy watched Cody's match and was proud of his boy. Cody had given his best and won. "Congratulation" he said to the screen.

"Randy it's your turn" John lent against the doorframe.

"I'm on my way" he rushed out of the room.

Randy went to the ring, posing like he always did. He listened to his entrance theme and wondered when he started to hear voices for real. He couldn't get rid of them; they were always present, screaming at him, telling him what a worthless loser he was.

Rey's entrance theme pulled him out of his thoughts and he got ready.

The matched started like planned, the fans were thrilled. Rey's moves were graceful and Randy was in his best Viper mood.

But things changed as Rey miscalculated the distance and gave Randy a hard kick to the ribs. Randy lost his balance his head hit the ground pretty hard, in addition to that Mysterio's feet hit the side of Randy's head as the ground absorbed their fall. He felt blood running down his face and knew from experience that the fall caused a laceration. He got to his feet to continue their match, his vision blurred and his whole body trembled slightly. Rey started his next move but didn't get a chance to strike as Randy fell over. He lay on the ground, not able to get up again. His body hurt and he felt cold.

"Dear god" Rey mumbled and kneeled down next to him "Don't move" he yelled for the paramedics. He hated Randy for what he did to Cody but it wasn't his intention to hurt him. Cody was still angry at him for the punch. Mystrio and the referee helped him out of the ring where the paramedics were waiting for him.

Randy felt how they lay him on a stretcher, he couldn't move his head. A ruff, he realized. "Cody" for one moment he was sure he heard and saw Cody but that must have been a dream, he decided. His ex-lover hated him. He tried to focus on his surrounding but it was pointless, he couldn't see or hear clearly. Randy closed his eyes and prayed for the pain to stop. He passed out before they reached the ambulance.


	8. Truth and forgiveness

Cody walked through the corridor; he was happy and proud that he had won. He decided to pay Randy a visit after the show. He realized that there was more to it than an affair, if it was an affair.

He passed Ted's locker room and stopped as he heard voices "You promised to get him out of the way" Ted hissed.

"You've got no chance, what does it matter?" he heard Jack say.

"It would be easier" his friend sighed "He's stronger as I thought. You assaulted him two times and he's still here"

"His body is here but I think I broke his mind" Swagger sounded proud "Even if he continues to wrestle he won't be able to get in your way. He can't stand to be touched, I saw him with Mark"

"It's not what I wanted" Ted rubbed his forehead "I want Cody back but it wasn't my intention to destroy Randy"

"It's a little too late for that" Swagger crossed his arms in front of his chest "I wanted Orton for a long time but he turned down every offer I made because he loves Rhodes"

"You don't love him anyway" Ted countered.

"True but I'm sexually interested in him but he doesn't like me much" he shrugged.

Cody felt sick, Jack assaulted Randy and instead of helping him he left Randy alone with him. It was his fault; he clasped his hands over his mouth. He wanted to kill him but he couldn't, Randy needed him. He started to run "John" he yelled frantically.

"Calm down! What happened" John put his hands on Cody's shoulder.

"You were right" only now John notices Cody's tear streaked face "I heard them talk, he did… he hurt Randy… he did this because of... It's my fault" John shook him "Not so fast, I don't understand a word"

"Ted wants me back and he asked Swagger to help him. He assaulted Randy to make me think he cheated and he hurt him a second time. He doesn't love Randy he did it because he wanted to f…h- have sex with him" Cody babbled.

"That bastard" Cody could see the anger in John's face and was relieved it wasn't directed at him.

"I was thinking about Randy, how to approach him tonight as I passed by Ted's locker room. He hurt Randy because I hurt him" his tears fell freely.

"You forgave him?" John wiped his tears away.

"I want him back, I made the decision before I overheard them" Cody tried to calm down "I want my lover back"

"Let's watch his match and then we surprise him, okay?" John suggested "He will be happy"

Cody nodded and followed John.

Cody and Randy's friends sat in John's locker room and watched the match. They held their breaths as Rey hurt Randy.

"Geez, he scared me" Adam placed a hand above his heart as Randy stood up.

"Me too" Jeff grabbed Matt's hand.

Cody noticed the changes in Randy's posture and got up "Cody?" John asked.

"Look at him" he ordered "He's hurt" Cody ran as fast as he could.

They were confused and returned their attention back to the match "No" John yelled as Rey got ready for his next move "He isn't ready you idiot"

Their eyes widened as Randy collapsed. They ran into the arena and watched as the paramedics tended to their friend.

Cody stood next to Randy "Randy, everything will be alright. You'll see. They take care of you and you'll pay it back to Rey in no time" he tried to be strong. Randy's eyes were full of fear, the young man noticed that Randy wasn't able to focus on something. He wouldn't be surprised when he didn't know where or who he was. His body trembled and the paramedics did their best to take care of him. Randy's deep voice brought him back to reality "Cody" the older man whispered.

"Randy, I'm here" Cody whined "I'm not going anywhere, you hear me?" he squeezed his eyes shut as Randy passed out.

He felt a hand on his shoulder "Come I drive us to the hospital" John offered.

Cody nodded and followed John to the car "Get in" he shoved him gently into the car.

"Tell me what happened while we were apart" Cody was too nervous to remain silent.

"He'll hate me but you've a right to know how his mind works" John decided.

"Was it bad?"

"I thought the incident with Jericho was bad but with you… it's worse" John needed Cody's help to safe his friend.

"I feel guilty, he got a concussion because of me" was the first thing what popped into his mind to keep the conversation going.

"It wasn't your fault. The doctor said he took more than one hit to the head. I think Swagger caused the concussion" John remembered what the doctor said, it made sense.

"What happened to his arm? He said he had an accident" Cody prayed it was an accident.

"I thought you had seen his scars" John said, they faded over the years and the tattoos concealed most of them.

"He said he fell through a glass door when he was a teenager" Cody believed it.

"He hurts himself" John confessed.

"What?" John could see how Cody's heart broke.

"He cuts himself, mostly not deep but sometimes he needs stitches" Cody nibbled on his lip "Has he tried to kill himself?"

"Not yet" John sighed "Do you remember as Vince gave him a few weeks off after Chris broke up with him?"

"He was sick" the young man answered quickly, scared John would change his mind and stop talking.

"He attempted suicide, he overdosed. We found him just in time. Next to him lay an empty bottle of sleeping pills" he hated to remember that day.

Cody remained silent; he needed time to deal with the information "He hits out on walls, punching bags until his knuckles bleed. He showers extremely hot. He's sick Cody I don't know him differently. I thought you could heal him. He was so happy with you, he didn't need to pretend to be okay he truly was" John continued.

"I'm not easy either" Cody whispered.

"I know and Randy knows that too but he doesn't love you less. He once said he makes you realize how unique and precious you are" John chuckled.

"What's so funny?" he narrowed his eyes.

"It's surprising how low your self-esteem is. Mr. Dashing"

"People tend to use me. They're interested in me because I'm pretty and Randy is the first who's interested in me. He loves me not my looks, my money or publicity" he loved him for his big heart.

"Randy is special" John agreed "He took care of me after my ex-boyfriend decided to marry a woman. He stayed night and day. We talked, we played games and he took care of everything. He convinced Adam to take me out"

"He choose wisely " John was surprised "Really?"

Cody smiled "Yes, you're perfect. It was the right choice"

"Thank you" John parked the car.

"I might be a jealous bastard but that doesn't mean I hate you. You know him better than I do and that pisses me of"

"You know things I don't. You can read his body language and you know how to make him happy"

"You know his secrets, you know how his mind works" Cody countered.

"We should work together" Jon suggested "We're on the same level now and I think we should talk from time to time"

"Okay" the young man agreed.

Cody sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair next to Randy's bed and held his hand.

The doctor said he had two cracked ribs, bruises and a bad concussion but he was lucky that his neck and spine weren't affected from the impact. He had to stay for a few days to exclude the possibility of a coagulum or other kinds of brain damage.

He watched him for hours, his face was bruised and his forehead graced a band aid. Cody used the chance to examine his lover and he found the scars, old and new ones. They looked bad and painful; he couldn't understand why Randy released his pain by causing himself even more pain. He thought about a place to hide every sharp object they had at home as a groan disturbed his musing.

"Randy" Cody kissed Randy's hand "Don't move it spares you the pain"

Randy blinked he wasn't sure if this was a dream or reality "You scared me. Don't do that ever again"

Randy squeezed Cody's hand; he felt real "Why are you here?"

"I'm ready to talk" he smiled sadly "but before I got the chance to take you back you got hurt"

"You forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive. I should beg for forgiveness. I didn't listen. I was on my way to your locker room as I heard Swagger talk about you. It was Ted's plan. It's my fault"

"Not your fault" the older man stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure he was able to overcome his fears and inner demons.

"The doctor said I can take you home in a few days" he let his tears fall "I take you home" he kissed the top of Randy's head.

"Don't pity me" the older man mumbled sleepily.

"I don't pity you but I love you" he got up "Sleep. I get the doctor"

Randy closed his eyes; it was too good to be true. Cody forgave him for what he did, even though he was a dirty whore. He let Swagger use him without to put up much of a fight. He had to tell Cody sooner or later what happened.

_~ Will he be angry? Will he think I'm weak? What about the scars they're not healed, he'll see them. Does it make me unworthy to be your boyfriend? You love my strong side, you love the Viper act but do you love me? ~_

He fell asleep before Cody returned with a nurse.

She took his vitals and examined the cut on his head "I think you can take him home in no time" she smiled at Cody; it wasn't hard to figure out what kind of relationship bound them together.

"Thank you" he blushed.

"Hey pretty boy. How is he?" Vince entered the room and took Cody by surprise.

"Vince?" he blinked.

"He will be fine in no time" he tried to save the situation; he stepped closer to the bed and tried to hide Randy's stitches behind his body.

"Don't take the trouble, I know him good enough to know what he did the last few months" Vince sat down on the plastic chair "the question is how can we pull him out of the death spiral?"

"I don't know, I'm not used to this part of his personality" Cody wondered how much Vince knew.

"That's because he was happy with you" the older man rubbed his chin "There aren't huge events in the near future. I want you to take some time off. Be there for him and keep an eye on him, it doesn't matter if he has to pee or wants some space, keep an eye on him. And I try to keep Swagger away from him"

Cody's face fell; he remembered what John said to him. Vince knew, he knew everything concerning the Viper. Randy went to Vince for help because he wasn't there for him, he didn't help, he chose to run instead.

"It was Ted's idea, he started all of this" Cody spread his arms to empathize his sentence.

"I have to change my plans then" Vince grinned "What do you think about a hell in the Cell match with Ted and Jack against Mark and Glen? Nexus will line up around the cage, so will the hart dynasty, Hardy Boyz, DX … ah I can't count anymore who wants to participate. Almost everyone volunteered for the match. I talk to you when I come up with a solution. It's funny how the destiny of one member reunites old Tag teams"

"They love him" Cody smiled at his lover "He worms himself into your heart and before you realize it you love him"

"True" Vince watched Randy for a while "We met years ago. He needed my help and I offered it freely, therefore he's here when I need his advice"

"Why should the great McMahon need his help" Cody frowned.

"Steph is sick; I never understood why she behaved like she did. Then Randy came along, young, strong and suffering from the same sickness. He helped me to understand, he made me a better father and somewhere along the way we became family"

"I saw her scars" Cody knew she had issues "On my first day as a pro, I got lost and wanted to ask for the way so I knocked on the first best locker room I found, I opened the door before she had time to put on her shirt. We never talked about it" Cody never told anyone what he saw.

"She stopped a year ago to be destructive; she saw how happy Randy was. He stopped for over two years. She wanted to try it too, she found someone to love, she married and is the happiest girl on earth. I think love can heal all wounds, not immediately but in the long term…"

"I hope you're right" Cody took Randy's hand "Can you keep an eye on him? I have to make our house homely again"

"Go, I take care of our little one" Vince ordered, it was important to make preparation before he came home "Wait"

Cody peeked into the room "He hides a pocket knife in his gym bag, don't throw it away it was a present from his dad but hide it somewhere" Vince saw the knife once but he was happy so he didn't worry.

Cody nodded and searched through his cell phone for John's number.


	9. Home

"Welcome home" Cody smiled as he opened the front door, he took Randy's bag and put it on a cupboard.

Randy entered the living room and frowned, there were by far more pictures of them on the walls than he remembered. On the side table stood his old lamp, his old fleece blanket lay on the couch. His sport medals lay in the cabinet and as he entered the kitchen he caught sight of his favorite tableware. He continued to wander through the house, the bedroom looked completely different. The color of the walls changed and the bed was new. It looked like his old bedroom before he moved in with Cody. He liked the changes but he didn't know why Cody went through the trouble "Do you like it?" the young man asked.

"Yes" Randy confirmed "but why?"

"It's our home" Cody slung his arms around Randy's waist, careful not to scare him "It was more my home than yours, John said you hated to live in my house and I realized that even though we bought this house together nothing changed. I liked something and you said yes. There's nothing you chose because YOU liked it. So I asked your friends for help and we changed a few things"

"Few?" Randy raised a brow "I thought we went into the wrong house. I don't want you to dislike the house"

"I love it because it reminds me of you" Cody rested his head on Randy's shoulder "I cleared out your things and realized there was nothing left of you. I needed two storage boxes to get rid of your presence. Two. It should have been ten or twenty"

Randy studied the young man, he looked honest but he couldn't risk trusting him "Thank you"

"I know we have to work hard on our relationship but I want you to know that I mean it. I want you back in my life and I'll put up with everything. You can punch me, you can yell at me or destroy the furnishings, it doesn't matter but don't harm yourself" he felt how Randy's posture changed "I'm not angry and I'm not disappointed at you. I'm disappointed I haven't noticed it sooner. It's not your fault and you can't change who you are. I don't want to change you but I want you to heal"

Randy remained silent, Cody stayed even though he knew everything. He stayed and took the risk to get hurt. How long will he stay? He asked himself.

"Get some sleep" Cody let go of him to help him undress "You need rest. The doctor said you have to stay in bed for three days. It was the condition to get you home"

Randy sighed and obeyed, his ribs hurt and his head felt like a punching bag.

"Sleep" Cody whispered and placed a gentle kiss on the uninjured side of his head.

He waited until Randy fell asleep before he went down to the kitchen, he opened a drawer and looked through it "There" he grabbed the engagement ring. It was the first time in months he opened the drawer. He put the platinum band on his ring finger. It looked good on his finger, he was Randy's. He had found Randy's ring as he searched the pocketknife a few days ago. The ring hung on a necklace, he was sure Randy wore it under his clothes during his free time.

Cody took the necklace out of a casket and went upstairs. He peeked into the room to make sure Randy was still asleep. He went into the room and stopped next to the bed. Cody caressed the ring before he put the necklace carefully around his boyfriend's neck. Randy stirred slightly but continued to sleep. Cody smiled, he would never let go of his lover again. They were bound together by fait "You're mine" he whispered before he left.

Randy woke up, he had a headache and his ribs burned. He walked into the bathroom to get painkillers. As he looked into the mirror he saw his ring dangling from his neck. He touched the ring and smiled sadly. He was sure he hadn't worn it before he went to bed. He opened the medicine cabinet but it was empty. Randy sighed and went downstairs "Where are the painkillers?"

"Stay here, I'll get them" Cody put the pan aside, he walked out of the kitchen but Randy couldn't see where he was going. He opened the drawer and was surprised to find nothing. The cutlery was gone, he wasn't sure if he should be moved to tears or angry.

"Here" Cody reappeared with a single pill; he took a bottle of water and gave it to him.

"There are more ways to kill oneself than cutlery, razors and pills" Randy took the pill and drank half of the bottle, that's when he saw the platinum band on Cody's finger. He almost chokes on his water.

Cody looked guilty "I know but I thought it might help a little"

"You wear it" he looked dumbfounded, Cody smiled and caressed his ring "Of course, we will marry soon and I need my engagement ring to make it clear to anyone"

Randy nodded and dropped the topic; he had to think about it before he made a decision. He wasn't sure what he felt or if he'd survive that long but what he knew was that he loved the young man with every fiber of his being "How are you?" Cody didn't look like himself.

"Fine. I'm not depressed or lifeless since your return" the young man felt alive.

"Are you sure?" Randy wasn't sure at all.

"I feel better and I believe that everything will be fine" he cupped Randy's cheeks "We'll sort this mess out and we will be happy. Forever"

Cody was very persuasive "I think it's too late for me"

"Nooo" Cody panicked "Don't you dare! You'll stay by my side, when you choose to die than you have to take me with you"

"No" Randy was shocked "How can you say that?"

"How can you say you want to die?" Cody countered.

"I-…I …" there was no answer to that.

"You see, there is no reason to go" Cody said gently "We pull you through it, I promise"

"Don't make promises you can't keep" Randy felt the knot in his stomach tighten.

"But I intend to keep it; neither heaven nor hell will get in my way. First they have to pass me and I'll put up a helluva of a fight" Randy was moved to tears, Cody looked so serious. His beautiful body trembled slightly "Come here" he pulled the young man into his arms "Hush"

"I'm so angry" Cody hissed "He had no right"

"I have to live with it" Randy rubbed his lover's back.

"I left" Cody began to cry "He assaulted you and I left. I could have helped, I could have protected you but I ran. I abandoned you when you needed me most"

"It's not your fault. It looked like cheating. I could have fought but I didn't" Randy reasoned.

"You were hurt, he surprised you. You couldn't fight. It's not your fault. It's Swagger's" Cody shook with rage "He will atone for what he did"

"Forget about it" Randy begged, it was a dangerous game Cody intended to play.

"You'll never forget it and neither will I" Cody vowed "He burned his mark on your soul and therefore he'll pay"

"I hurt myself before he… I would have done the same things even without his assault" Randy tried to knock some sense into his lover.

"I saw your reaction as Mark touched you. I see how you look around every time you hear a noise. I can feel you tense when I touch you, you love me and you love your friends but you can't fight the nagging feeling in your heart and soul"

"I can feel him, his huge hands on my skin. I can hear him every time I close my eyes. I see him in my dreams" Randy stared at the wall.

Cody caressed Randy's cheek "I love you, I never stopped. You're not dirty, you're not at fault and you're not worthless. You're my boyfriend. You're special, kindhearted and irreplaceable" the young man had read books and articles about rape victims.

"He didn't rape me but I still feel so…" Cody was relieved that Jack didn't go all the way "the second time he had the intention to rape me but a car disturbed him and he fled"

"I won't touch you until you say it's okay" Cody promised "Am I allowed to hug and kiss you?" he looked at him with big eyes.

"Yes" Randy loved his strong arms and soft lips.

"Hey John can you keep an eye on Randy for a few hours I have to get some things" he avoided to talk about the reason in case Randy overheard him.

"Thank you" he put his cell phone away.

"Randy I have to go out for a while, I'm back as fast as I can" he entered the living room.

"Where're you going?" Randy turned around.

"I need my gym bag, I forgot to take it with me, the day you…" Cody shuddered "had the accident"

"Don't confront him" Randy stated, he knew his missing belongings weren't the reason.

"I grab my things and leave" he tried to sound honest.

"Be careful" Randy continued to read his book.

"John is coming over and keeps you company" the young man noted.

Randy sighed deeply, he needed some space "Okay" he knew Cody was worried but he missed it to be alone for a short while.

John arrived thirty minutes later. He brought a few games with him to take Randy's mind off from his misery.

Cody entered his locker room together with Punk to get his belongings as Ted knocked on his door "Hey sunshine. We miss you why didn't you tell us you take a vacation?"

"I'm not on vacation" Cody spun around, ready to fight.

"Oh, has Vince suspended you?" Ted frowned; the rumor mill was extremely silent for a while now.

"Sick leave" Punk answered for Cody, he was ready to hold his friend back.

"Is it serious?" Ted was worried Cody had a terrible disease.

"You should know it best" Cody spat.

"Huh?" he was confused.

"It's your fault!" Cody yelled, his whole body trembled with anger.

"What did I do?" he hoped Cody wasn't privy to his plan.

"YOU" he jumped at his former friend and punched him. Punk tried to drag Cody away from Ted but failed "Kane!" he yelled. He had asked his lover to stay close just in case Cody snapped.

The tall man entered the room and watched for a while before Punk gave him a glare "Okay, okay" he put his arms around Cody to immobilize him.

"You hurt him, you destroyed his beautiful soul. You shall burn in hell, I'll ruin you. Stay away from him or I'll kill you and that's a promise. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM US! AND TELL SWAGGER I'LL GET HIM ONE DAY. HE'LL PAY DEARLY!" the smaller man yelled furiously while he struggled against Kane's grip. Ted stared at him in shock, he never saw Cody so furious before. He was scary and Ted believed every word of what he said, Cody had any intention to break him. Everything he wanted was his love but hate was what he got. He deserved it "I'm sorry" he talked through his nose. Ted looked up and saw something glitter, his jaw dropped. It was a ring, he saw the ring before but it vanished as they parted. Cody must have kept it even though he hated Randy at that time. He realized that he never stood a chance; he did what he did for nothing because Cody was devoted to the Viper, with his heart and soul.

"It's too late" Cody screamed "You can't make it undone and neither can I. He has to live with what you did"

The corridor was full of people, no one dared to interfere.

"So the rumor is true" Miz whispered to Morrison.

"Poor guy" Tyson mumbled.

"Cody, let's go" Punk shoved Ted out of the way. Cody had a different opinion and tried to free himself.

"Wow" Kane gasped "He's stronger than he looks like. Punk I need some help"

Cody kicked at Ted and wanted nothing more than to punch him into a bloody pulp. Punk positioned himself in front of Ted "Cody! Randy's waiting for you"

He got his attention "You can't help him when you end up in jail" Cody stopped to struggled and Kane used his chance to drag him out of the room.

"I want to kill him" Cody panted, he tried to take deep breaths.

"I know" Punk patted his head "You have to stay out of trouble for Randy's sake"

"I hate it when you're right"

"Believe me I don't like it much either" Punk looked at Kane.

"You're in no condition to drive. Kane will bring you home and I follow you with your car" Punk grabbed the keys.

Cody nodded, he was tired and tense. There was no reason to argue with Punk.

"John?" Cody frowned as the older man ran out of the house.

"He's gone" he gasped "I was in the bathroom, for two minutes and as I came back…"

Cody's heart stood still for a few painful seconds "What do you mean, he's gone?" was he dead? Did he leave him behind?

"I don't know where he is" John explained "His car keys are gone and I don't know where he could be"

Cody fell to his knees; he couldn't control his body or mind. His mind raced around many possibilities.

"Cody?" Punk kneeled down next to him "Hey" he shook him gently.

No reaction "Kane take him inside"

Kane lifted him up and carried him inside "We have to find him" Punk nibbled on his lip ring.

"It's my fault" John rubbed his face.

"You know it's not" Punk looked around "Maybe he needs some space"

"He could have asked" John argued.

"He knew we would never let him out of sight. Everything we can do is hope"

Cody sat on the sofa, knees drawn up to his chest. He clutched Randy's fleece blanket in his hand and rocked back and forth.

"He'll come back" Punk tried to sooth him.

"I hem him in. that's why he left me" a single tear escaped his beautiful eyes.

"He hasn't left you. He comes back you'll see" John hoped he was right.

"I hid the cutlery, razors and his pocket knife. For a single moment I even thought about replacing the tableware against plastic tableware" he chuckled sadly.

"I did this once" John confessed "He was pissed I could see it in his eyes but he said nothing"

"That's the problem, he doesn't speak. He takes it as it comes and bottles it up until he can't stand it anymore" Cody stared at his favorite picture. It was a snapshot. Matt made the picture during his birthday party. Cody had beamed of joy because Randy accepted his offer to move in with him and the older man had placed a loving kiss on his temple.

"You have to be patient, you'll see one day he comes to you to talk" Kane looked at Phil.

"I hope so" Cody wanted to be alone "You can go home, I'll call when I hear something"

They looked at each other and decided to leave him alone. They bid their goodbyes before they left unwillingly.

Cody watched the news, in case Randy had an accident or killed himself, as he heard the door. He turned around and jumped up as he heard familiar steps. He flung himself at Randy and cried tears of joy. He wasn't gone. He came back to him.

Randy was surprised as Cody practically flew into his arms and held on him for dear life "Cody" he whispered.

"Tell me before you go out or leave a note. Don't disappear like that. I thought…. I thought…god" he rambled.

"I'm sorry" he rubbed Cody's back "I needed some air"

He felt Cody nod "I thought you wouldn't let me go and John is pretty fast I hadn't the time to leave a note"

"Where have you been?" Cody sniffled.

"Here and there. I felt the urge to spend some time alone. You weren't here and John tried so hard to make my day. You try to make it better but I don't feel better but I should"

"You need time" Cody inhaled Randy's scent "It won't go away overnight. We have to be patient, you have to be patient. We are here for you. Always"

"I want to go to bed" Randy wanted to cuddle.

Cody gave him a strange look "What?" he asked unsure.

"You're on the best way" Cody smiled "You told me what you want for the first time in months" he let go of Randy and took his hand "Let's go to bed"

Randy awoke in his lover's arms, Cody held him tight "Baby boy" he shook Cody.

"Hmm?" he mumbled sleepily.

"I have to pee" Randy said simply "Then go" Cody answered.

"You have to let me go first" Cody opened his eyes a little and realized that he was holding Randy "Oh, sorry" he let go of his lover and rubbed his eyes.

"No problem" Randy smiled and ran to the bathroom. Cody closed his eyes again as a thought crossed his mind. His eyes flew open and he sat up "Baby boy?" his heart fluttered. He had missed the nickname. It was a little sign that Randy opened up to him.

Randy stood in front of the mirror, eyeing his necklace. Cody's reaction the night before had shocked him. The young man was a wreck and out of his mind from worry. His reaction showed him how much he meant to the young man. Cody was a good actor but he wasn't that good. Randy opened his necklace and took the ring. He turned it between his fingers for a while before he put it on his finger. It was time to live, Randy decided. He would try to survive; he would try to change his coping strategies. He knew he couldn't change things within a week but he had a lifetime.

"Randy?" he heard Cody's worried voice "Are you alright?"

"I'm coming" he looked at his reflection and promised himself to learn to like himself.

"Come back to bed, it's still early" Cody patted the mattress.

Randy lay down and snuggled up to his lover. Cody put his hand on Randy's chest and frowned. His hand wandered up and down Randy's chest and neck. He felt his heart clench "Where is the ring?" he was suddenly wide awake.

"Here" he took Cody's hand and put it over his own. Cody felt the cool metal of the ring under his fingers.

Cody smiled "I love you" and kissed the ring on Randy's finger.

"I love you too" he placed a soft kiss on Cody's forehead "and I always will"

"We have to get up quite early, I planned a surprise" Cody forewarned to avoid the same disaster as on their anniversary.

"I'm looking forward to it" Randy closed his eyes and fell asleep before Cody got a chance to say something else.


	10. Together

"Wake up" Cody said cheerful.

Randy sighed and got out of bed, he was still tired but Cody was more important.

They got dressed and ate an opulent breakfast before they left.

"Where're we going?" Randy had no clue.

"It's a surprise" Cody's eyes remained on the road. Randy gave up and closed his eyes.

He took a nap while they drove for an hour "We're there" Cody whispered into his ear.

Randy opened his eyes "Happy second anniversary" Cody kissed him. Randy looked surprised "How…?"

"I asked John" Cody grinned "I thought we should celebrate the day we reunited"

A little smile tucked on Randy's lips, he felt the love rise in his chest "Great idea"

"I know" Cody jumped out of the car and opened Randy's door "Wait" he helped Randy out of the car. His ribs weren't healed and Cody had seen the lines of pain in his face while he got into the car.

"You don't need to help me" Randy blushed slightly, it was embarrassing.

"You're in pain and I help, that's the rule of a relationship" Cody continued to smile.

Randy shook his head and accepted his new rule "Where do we start?"

"Hm, the rollercoaster has to wait for a few weeks" he looked around, searching for something acceptable "Here" he dragged Randy to a less strenuous rollercoaster with less painful safety measures.

"They press against your hips but not your ribs, no sharp curves or looping. Perfect" Randy watched his lover while he talked. The young man seemed happy but he felt sad and therefore he hated himself. Cody did this to make him happy and he wasn't even able to feel anything but sadness.

"Don't you like it?" Cody registered that Randy seemed to be miles away.

"I do like it" he forced a smile on his face, Cody eyed him for a moment before he let it go.

"That's good" he smiled but it didn't reached his eyes. He knew Randy was lying but he had all day to change his mood.

They spent hours at the amusement park before Cody dragged him to the cinema. They watched an action movie. Cody hoped some action would lighten his lover's mood.

"Do you like the movie?" Cody asked as they walked to the car.

"It was fun" Randy meant it.

"We should buy the DVD when they release it" the young man offered and watched Randy's reaction.

"Sounds great" the older man gave him a little smile. Cody came to the conclusion that he was indeed honest this time "I reserved a table at the restaurant you chose last time" he changed the topic.

"You don't have to do all this" he was overwhelmed by the affection he got. He wasn't used to it.

"But I want to, because I love you" Cody gave him a peck on the cheek.

Randy felt a hint of happiness "I know"

"Get in or they cancel our reservation" the young man joked. Randy chuckled and obeyed.

The food was great and the atmosphere was perfect for a date. Warm colors, candles on the table and soft music "I like it here" Randy felt comfortable.

"We should go out once a month" Cody like their day. He had fun and Randy seemed to be more relaxed.

"It's my turn next time" Randy sipped on his wine.

"No, you planned the date" Cody took his hand "It's my turn to rack my brain"

"Okay" Randy was fine with the idea but Cody gave him a serious look "Do you mean it when you say 'okay' or is it your obligatory 'I do as you wish' okay"

"I'd love to go on a date with you, especially when you make up a plan" Randy explained.

Cody relaxed, that was good "It will be special"

"I know it will" he squeezed Cody's hand.

"Let's pay and get out of here" Cody was nervous, the next part of his plan was the most exciting but dangerous part of it. He followed Randy's original plan but he wanted to ad a talk to it. They had to talk and Cody hoped Randy would be relaxed enough to talk.

They walked through a park. It was a beautiful park with a huge playground and a clear lake surrounded by meadows and healthy trees.

Cody settled down under a tree and pulled Randy down with him.

"Let me embrace you this time" he said and positioned Randy between his legs before he put his arms around his middle. Randy's back rested against Cody's chest and his hands rested on Cody's. He tilted his head to the side so Cody was able to rest his chin on his shoulder.

"You're clever" Randy said after a long pause.

"Clever?" Cody tried to look at Randy.

"It's time for the talk isn't it?" he stared at the lake.

"What gave me away?" Cody wasn't as careful as he thought he was.

"Your nervousness" Randy replied "You smile too often and you rub your neck once in a while. And I can see that you're thinking a lot since we started our date"

"You can see that?" Cody blinked.

"You get a faraway look and you frown slightly" there were more indications but he kept them to himself in case Cody tried to avoid his habits in the future.

"You know me well" the young man felt happy.

"You know me too" Randy shifted a little to get more comfortable.

"When did it start?" he used the chance to get to know him. He wanted to know more than his body language or stories John had told him.

"I was a teenager. My father isn't as nice as people think he is. He pushed me hard as I was younger and I hated it, sometimes he even hit me. My classmates didn't like me much because of my looks. The girls loved me but the boys hated me, things never changed even after they knew I wasn't interested in girls. I knew I wasn't hetero and one day I told my best friend … and my best friend spread it around. I hadn't realized that he was homophobic or else I would never have told him. Now that I'm a grownup I think he might be gay too and was scared of his feelings. I never loved him but he avoided me like the plague. The assaults at school, my parents and the betrayal of my best friend made me who I am. I never learned to cope with 'stress'. I envy you and our friends"

"I'll teach you how to talk about feeling and wishes, I'll teach you to love yourself and I'll teach you how to keep yourself safe" Cody vowed.

"Would be nice but I'm not sure I can get rid of it" Randy couldn't leave the past behind. The break up had hurt and it still hurt. The words were echoing through his mind at night and Swagger's presence followed him everywhere he went. He broke completely and still wished to die but he had a reason to fight against it.

"We try" Cody rubbed Randy's hand "Please; tell me more about you and Chris, the aftermath of your break up. Tell me about us, tell me everything"

"I don't know where to start" Randy thought about it "Chris and me were friends, we fell in love but I loved him more than he loved me. I asked me out and told me he loved me and he would like to change our friendship into something more. I thought why not? It was a terrible mistake. We had a great time until I caught him with a stranger and he confessed that he was unfaithful more than five times during the year we were together. He said it was my own fault, I was weak and unsatisfying. He told me I was not the person he thought I was. Chris was disappointed in me because he realized that I'm hard to handle. I believed him. I wasn't worth his love. I continued to hurt myself, hot showers, I cut myself and I trained until my whole body screamed to stop. I don't know I needed it at that time. I couldn't handle his betrayal and his words. I couldn't handle my life anymore. A few weeks later I took sleeping pills. I don't know why and how it happened. I remember that I sat on my bed with a bottle of Whisky and sleeping pills and then I awoke in the hospital. An overdose hurt, I felt sick and my body hurt. I wished I had died. John held my hand as often as he could; he stayed for hours, until the nurse threw him out. John and Adam convinced me to move in with them. They locked me up for days and kept an eye on me. I'm thankful, I think. They did everything for me"

"They're great friends" Cody confirmed. He made a mental note to thank them.

"Yes they are. That's why I can't choose between you and them. I'm sorry" Randy felt bad.

"You don't have to. I finally understand why you love them so much. It wasn't fair of me to push you. I was jealous because they knew the real Randy and I had a hard time to figure you out. I thought you might leave me for someone who understands you better than I could"

"Never" Randy looked at the night sky.

"I know that now" Cody kissed his neck "Please continue"

"I got over him because my friends showed me how much they care. They stood by my side whatever I did, it didn't matter to them. Then I met you. I fell in love with you at first sight. Your beautiful eyes caught my attention and I knew you're the one but you were so young and carefree. I never thought you would choose someone like me. I kept away from you because of Ted. He loved you with all his heart and you shattered his heart. I know it wasn't your intention but I was scared it could be part of your personality. And then you stood in front of my door. To tell the truth … I wanted you that night but you were drunk and I loved you too much to use the chance you offered. I watched you while you slept; you looked so cute and vulnerable. I realized that I made the right decision by staying away from you. I was confused as you started to follow me, I turned down your offer, I – I was … so not worth it but you stayed. Our first date was the best I ever had; I loved every minute of it. But I don't know where our relationship went wrong. I hate it to fight, I hate to see you sad, I hate to cause your sadness and I hate when people I love are angry with me. I wanted a happily ever after"

"You'll get your happily ever after. I swear" Cody tightened his embrace, worried his lover would disappear once he let go of him.

Randy's silence was answer enough "Randy, I will never let you go again. You'll see"

"The day you suggested to take a break was the worst of my life. I wanted you to stay but you looked so determined and I thought it was what you wanted. I put your happiness before mine and when I have to leave you to make you happy I will"

"Don't you dare! It's not what I want and isn't what I wanted that day. I wanted you to ask me to stay" Cody confessed.

"I thought you're tired of me"

"No" Cody whispered "Never"

"I met John in the locker room. I wasn't in the mood to talk and he got angry, saying I shouldn't bother him should I change my mind. I never told him what happened. He tries hard to make it right but I can't talk to him like before. I don't like that but I can't change it either.

Swagger entered the locker room after my friends left. He hit me and my head crashed against the locker. I saw stars for a while. He pinned me to the locker and touched me everywhere, he kissed me and ejaculated over me. I still feel sick when I think about it. I prayed for help but you misunderstood. I don't blame you, he set us up but I had hoped to talk to you. It hurt as you sent me away, but I understand your reasons. I would have done the same. Seeing you every day was killing me. The hate in your eyes, the venom in your voice. … I couldn't deal with it. You were my lifeline and suddenly you were gone. I held the pills in my hand that night but I couldn't do it I had hoped you would listen once you calmed down. I cut myself instead of killing myself. I knew I had a concussion the day Adam found me in the restroom but it didn't matter at all. I felt terrible for many reasons and that was what I deserved. The first thing John asked was if I took something. He was sure I overdosed again but this time I held on living to satisfy them. It wasn't fair to end my life while they tried so hard to safe me. Adam collected my belongings from the hotel and they brought me to their home, again. I felt like an intruder. I disturbed their peace. They looked out for me; they spent every minute watching me. John found me in the shower as I cut too deep. I didn't feel it but I liked the way the water turned red. I sat in the shower like a scared child, it was embarrassing but I felt better for a short time. I often contemplated suicide. I still do. I thought it was a dream as I heard your voice after the match went wrong. I couldn't see or hear clearly, it was scary. John told me you were there. I like to know you worried about me even though I did stupid things"

"I'll, always, be by your side" Cody tried to work through all the information. It was sickening to hear Randy talk like that.

_~ He wants to die even though we got back together. My action must have hurt him so deeply it left scars, not only on his arms but on his heart and soul too. I haven't thought he's so vulnerable behind his strong façade. It's surprising he's still alive, after all these years of pain and betrayal. I have to work hard to make it right. I must not fail! ~_

"I can't believe in it" Randy pulled him out of his thoughts.

"I swear to god or whoever that I will not leave you" Cody panicked.

"You don't trust me enough to believe in me" he stated.

"I was selfish and angry. It's not that I don't trust you" Cody tried to rescue the situation.

"It's a matter of trust" what confused Cody most was that Randy lay still in his arms and showed no intention to leave "Why are you still here then?"

"Because I love you" the older man sighed.

"But you think I don't trust you. You think I'll leave" Cody said bitter.

"I take the risk and enjoy it as long as I can and maybe one day I can make you trust me" he caressed Cody's hand.

Cody pressed his face against Randy's shoulder and stifled a sob. Randy felt how Cody's arms tightened around him "Don't be sad"

"But I am" Cody mumbled "I don't want it to end, I don't want to lose what I love most"

"Me neither" the young man looked up "But why throw it away? We can make it work. We can grow old together… and I still want children with you"

"I would like that" Randy felt so much pain he could barely breathe. Cody sounded so honest. He wanted to believe in him but he wasn't able to sort out his emotions. His heart told him to believe in his lover but his mind screamed at him to ignore his lies. His heart had led him astray once but Cody wasn't a liar.

"I feel like I lost you" Cody confessed.

"I'm not gone yet and I think I'll stay as long as you want me to" Randy replied.

"I want you to stay forever"

"Therefore you have to stay forever"

Cody smiled sadly, that was an information he could work with. His lover would stay as long as he showed that he cared.

"Let's go home" Cody suggested "Our home"

Weeks passed but Randy was still not the same. Cody had hoped that their talk had helped Randy to overcome parts of his past but he was still so sad. The young man grew more and more desperate "Randy?"

"Yes?" the older man prepared their dinner "Don't be mad at me but I made an appointment for you. I think you need a psychiatric. I beg you get professional help" Cody held his breath.

Randy looked thoughtful "I think you're right" he confirmed "I can't go on like this forever and it isn't fair to you. When is the appointment?"

Cody let out his breath "Tomorrow morning"

Randy nodded, his lover was right. It was time to get help and rescue what was left of him and their relationship "I accompany you" the young man offered "if you want me to" he added.

"Yes" he wasn't ready to go alone.

"Thank you" Cody kissed his cheek "There's nothing to thank for" Randy placed a kiss on his forehead.

"I got something for you" Cody took a little box out of his pocket "I bought it a while ago and I think it's time to give it to you"

Randy took the box and opened it, there were two identical silver chains with silver cross on it "They're beautiful" Randy smiled. Cody took one of them and put it around Randy's strong neck "Looks nice" he smiled "I missed to feel the cool metal of the ring at night and I thought it was time to bind you to me. I got the proposal but you get the promise to never be alone again" the young man gave Randy the other necklace and waited for him to put it around his neck. Randy took the necklace and put it gently around his lover's neck "I'll stay" the older man promised.

"Of course you will" Cody looked serious "I'll never let you go and I mean it. You can cheat, you can rage, you can do whatever you want but I'll stick with you until the day we die" Randy knew Cody didn't believe that he would do one of these things, not anymore, but it was nice to hear it.

"There is only one thing I'll not tolerate" Cody cupped his cheeks "I won't leave you for this but I have problems handling it"

"Self harming you mean" the young man nodded before he gave Randy a loving kiss.

"I know you can't stop right now but we will work on it, okay?"

"Yeah" he kissed back.

The appointment was less then satisfying. Randy was a wreck and the doctor gave him meds against his problems. Cody hoped it wasn't a mistake to drag his lover to a psychiatrist. Meds weren't good, but after the first appointment was more than suspicious.

He called a second psychiatrist after they arrived home but he told him that, sometimes, a heavy medication was necessary to protect a patient from himself. Cody wasn't convinced and hoped he made the right decision "How are you?" they lay on the sofa and watched T.V.

"I feel sad" Randy confessed, Cody had a right to know.

Cody nodded; it was surprising that Randy told him how he felt "Do the meds affect you in any way?"

"I took the first dose one hour ago" Randy reminded him "They won't show their effect for a while"

"I know" the young man pulled his lover closer "I'm worried about side effects"

"I feel tired" Randy thought he meant his mental state.

"We should sleep then" Cody got up and led Randy into their bed room "I have to go to work tomorrow" the young man was nervous.

"I won't kill myself while you're at work" Randy undressed, Cody stared at his arms "We're going on the road in two weeks, I want you to accompany me"

Randy turned around to look at him "Do you think it's a good idea? I mean I'll distract you more than help you"

"I'll be more distracted when you stay behind" he was scared what might happen when he left him alone for too long.

"You get your way, this time" Randy smiled at him.

That was enough for Cody "You're the best" he took him into his arms. Cody enjoyed the warmth of his body and his soft skin.

"I know" Randy kissed his neck before he tried to suppress a yawn.

"Time to get some rest" Cody pushed him onto the bed and tucked him in before he crawled under the blanket.

Randy rolled around and lay on Cody's chest. Arms wrapped around the younger man.

"Sleep love" Cody whispered softly, Randy mumbled an inaudible answer.

"Randy wake up" Cody shook him gently "I want you to take your meds before I leave"

Randy sighed and took the pills Cody offered and swallowed them with water "Satisfied?"

"Oh yes" Cody grinned and gave him a kiss on the forehead "See you later"

"Be careful" Randy laid down.

"I will" Cody promised and left.

The young man entered the locker room and was surprised to see Jericho "What do you want?"

"How is he?" Chris wanted to know.

"Why don't you ask him?" Cody spat, Randy's story ran through his mind.

"I wasn't sure you'd appreciate my presence that much" he was too much of a coward to face Randy while Cody was there "but I give him a call once a week"

"You do?" Cody frowned, why did Randy hide his contact with Chris?

"He's scared you'll get jealous and leave" Chris saw the question in his eyes.

Cody chuckled sadly "My own fault that he doesn't trust me much"

"He trusts you but he thinks he's not worth it" Chris rubbed his neck "That part is my fault"

"We did many stupid things" Cody sat down on a bench.

"Please answer my question. He tells me he's fine but Randy is Randy. He wouldn't even tell you if he was seriously ill until the day he suddenly dies" Chris was right and that hurt Cody deeply.

"He's better, I think. He takes meds against his emotional troubles but I'm not sure it's wise. I don't know I have a bad feeling" Cody explained.

"The problems with meds are that everyone reacts differently. Some people feel better, some people aren't able to feel anymore and some people start to hate their situation so much they stop to take them and they stop to accept help" Chris read about it after he realized what he did to Randy years ago.

"Please option one" Cody begged but he felt that it would be too easy and Randy's life was never easy.

"Option one" Chris tried to sound serious but he wasn't sure at all.

"Do you want to come over for dinner? Randy would be happy" it was hard for Cody to ask but Chris was a friend of Randy.

"I would like that" Chris smiled.

"You don't love him anymore, do you?" Cody had to make sure.

"No I'm in a happy relationship and I love Randy like a brother but not like a lover" Chris was honest.

"Great" Cody beamed "I'll cook"

"You can cook?" Chris frowned; Cody didn't look like someone who's able to turn on a stove.

"Randy taught me a few skills" Cody smiled at the memory.

"Okay" Chris didn't seem convinced.

"You'll see it will be great. Randy loves my cooking" his smiled was so broad that Chris was thankful Randy had him in his life.

"We will see" Chris replied cheekily.

"Yeah, I…" Cody stopped midsentence.

"Cody?" Chris frowned.

"Was that Swagger's voice?" he ran to the door, opened it and almost collided with Jack. Swagger's eyes widened in surprise "Rhodes" he said cheerful "I thought you quit"

Swagger hadn't any information about the last weeks. No one told him anything, not even Ted. He was surprised to see a wedding band on Cody's finger "Who's the lucky guy?" he pointed at the ring.

Chris grabbed Cody before he jumped at Jack "Wow, kid calm down" Swagger raised his hands in surrender.

"You damn…" he struggled against Chris's grip but the other man held him tight "You set us up. You almost destroyed our lives and what for? Sex? You assaulted him to satisfy your own needs but did you ever think about him? Huh? You hurt him and I'll never forgive you"

"You figured it out, I'm impressed. You're not as stupid as I thought" Swagger grinned.

"He told me everything you did to him" Cody hissed "You'll pay"

"Oh I see, little Randy told you about our little encounter" Swagger said in a sing sang voice "What did he do? Did he run into your arms? Crying like a baby?"

Chris had enough and let go of Cody, only to punch Jack himself "Bastard" he cursed. Cody blinked, he needed time to realize what just happened "You could have told me you wanted the first hit" Cody grinned.

"Was funnier that way" Chris shrugged while he glared at Jack "Stay away from him or the police will never find your corps" he added.

Cody stepped closer "We are still together and we will marry soon. Your plan wasn't successful and I make sure it stays that way. Randy is mine and mine alone"

Swagger narrowed his eyes, he hated the way they threatened him and he hated the fact that Randy couldn't keep his mouth shut "I had my fun. You can keep him if you want to" he would make Randy pay.

"We keep an eye on you" Matt hissed, he had watched from afar because he wasn't sure what he would do when he got Swagger into his hands.

"Hardy" Jack smiled "What are you talking about man?"

"We know what you did and we won't tolerate it. You should watch over your shoulder wherever you go" Jeff appeared behind his brother.

"Oh I'm scared" he said sarcastically.

"You should" Cody grinned "We mean what we say. To hell with the law"

Swagger was worried and decided to quit his game, for now "Okay guys. I stay away from little Randy. You won" he tried to sound as honest as he could.

"Go" Chris pushed him away, not believing a word he said.

"We have to be careful" Matt looked seriously worried, Jeff took his hand "Don't worry. Randy is safe with us and especially with Cody around. I don't want to know how it is when you piss Cody off"

"Creepier than Kane in 'See no evil'" Chris shuddered.

"I like the movie" Jeff beamed "He was good; I almost pitied the character he played"

"Uhm, yeah" Matt patted Jeff's head "I liked it, too… Any ideas how we protect Randy?"

"No idea" Chris shook his head.

"I take him with me, everywhere I go" Cody suggested.

"I don't think he'll like that" Matt remembered the time he broke up with Chris. Randy didn't say anything but Matt knew he was pissed.

"We could follow him around" Jeff said.

"He knows the trick" Matt sighed.

"I want him to stay close to us. He has to follow me or spend his time with one of you guys" Cody decided.

"Good luck" Matt rubbed his forehead.

"I want to go home" Cody was nervous since he left the house and he couldn't get rid of the feeling.

"Sorry man but you arrived one hour ago, there are six hours left today" Jeff studied his watch, it would be a long day, he sighed inwardly.

Cody was a nervous wreck; they tried to cheer him up all day but without success. Cody's own friends were pissed because he avoided them and spent time with Randy's friends instead, they didn't know the importance of their talk so they decided to get their friend back.

"I don't understand why you spend so much time with them. You don't like them and they don't love you either" Mysterio appeared behind him as he changed his clothes.

"I do like them" Cody didn't turn around.

"Since when?" the other man huffed.

"I learned to like them and I hated them for the wrong reason" Cody wasn't in the mood to have discussion. It was time to go home and no one could stop him. He grabbed his bag and walked to the door "Cody" Mysterio grabbed his arm.

"I have to go home" Cody jerked his arm away and left.

Mysterio was shocked, what the hell happened? He thought. He thought about it for a while and left with the intention to talk with his friends about the matter. Something was wrong with Cody and he had every intention to figure out what was wrong with him.


End file.
